Beer and a Happy New Year

New Year's Eve! That means Christmas has come and gone for another year. The jolly holiday filled me with joy and Swedish meatballs and I'm happy to say, for the first time on Christmas, I received beer as a present. Beer is the perfect present. Here's why...

1. Beer allows you to drink and be merry, as we are often told to do by old timey advertisements.
2. Prices for beer are different at almost every liquor store, so you'll never know how much the gift-giver spent on you.
3. Beer can be a multi-ethnic experience. I received a sampler and the first beer I tried was Brazilian. I've never been to Brazil, but now MY MOUTH HAS! That's not all! The beer I drank was called Xingu Black Beer and by purchasing the lovely beverage, the gift-giver helped protect the Xingu River, a symbol of biological and cultural diversity, as the brewery gives to the Y Ikatu Xingu foundation.
4. It's beer. Num num num num.

Not only did I get beer, but I also got a gift card for more beer. Christmas gets better and better every year.

I would like to wish everyone a very Happy New Year! May all your resolutions work out. May all your hangovers tomorrow morning be short. May unicorns come back to life and may we never see the creation of the Bear Shark.

Chicago and the cast of Batman 3

Last weekend, one of my favorite things in the whole world, Survivors of the Undead Plague, hit the road and visited the great land that is Chicago. Waking early last Friday morning was difficult, but I was promptly greeted by Troy with one of the greatest Christmas cards ever. If you love tarsiers and Christmas, you would've enjoyed the homemade card thoroughly. Hopefully I can make some Christmas cards by hand this year. There is nothing like homemade cards. Not only do I feel accomplished in the creation of said cards, but the receiver also feels just a wee bit more special.

Chicago was great. We arrived in the late afternoon and quickly situated ourselves. Pegatron and I stayed with a friend on the Southside, while Troy and Damian sought refuge at the home of Lisa, Tyler and Dave. Soon, I was on my way to the theatre with a backpack and duffelbag full of fake guns. I've never been so filled with fear about carrying those fake guns. They look real. Cops would assume they're real. I could've been killed! Anyhoo, I made it to the theatre and the set went well. It was fun to do Survivors with only Troy, Damian and I for the first time in front of an audience. We had previously done shows with Hannah K, Aric M and Mike F as a fourth, but never just the 3 of us. It was delightful.

Saturday was a bit of a slow day. After getting up a little later, I was on my way to an improv workshop with iO's Jet Eveleth. For the first time in my improv career since taking classes at ComedySportz, I felt like my views on improv were reinforced. I'd previously taken classes with several well-known, qualified, talented folks, but I never took anything away. I know this was a little more focused on the strengths and weaknesses of just Troy, Damian and I, as opposed to a group of 12-15 people. However, it really was the approach that made me feel so excited.

After that, it was back to the theatre for the Mustache Rangers and Butch and Jill. Both were spot-on for the show. The only unfortunate thing about the evening was an intoxicated man who had a bit of a problem with remaining still and keeping quiet. The show was over and it was time to imbibe. First, Pegatron and I purchased the most hideous holiday apparel one could imagine and made our way to Tin Lizzie for some ugly sweater party action. White people love ugly sweater parties. We drank the night away with a friend of Pegatron's from high school and ended up catching a cab to her place for the evening. The next day only brought the worst hangover I'd had in ages... not the best thing to have when getting ready to drive to Minnesota. All in all, the Chicago adventure was delightful.

In other news, since the UK tabloid/newspaper The Sun reported that Shia LaBeouf would be Robin, Eddie Murphy would be The Riddler and Rachel Weisz would be Catwoman, I decided to take the great villains remaining in the Batman series and cast them for film. That update should be coming soon.

(Comic) Strip Joints

I'd like to invite all my favorites to read a great comic (new strip every Monday and Thursday) that I've enjoyed...

BlankIt

Aric McKeown is all up in this biz and I certainly recommend starting from the beginning as it is a continuous thread. And if you don't want continuous hilarity, feel free to visit this other strip I really enjoy...

Joe Loves Crappy Movies

Stuck at home due to the snow? Hanging out in a beautiful, warm locale and having nothing to do while drinking Coronas with lime? Enjoy those. More to come, I'm sure.

Employment and the Frailty of Humans

"Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could." -Her Space Holiday, Something To Do With My Hands.

The above quote is currently the only thing running through my head. Many companies unintentionally give you the opportunity to sink or swim and the unfortunate thing is that I believe my current employer is one of them. My sense of humor can only keep me afloat so long. I just don't want to get fired. I've never been fired and never want to get fired. It's a life goal, I guess.

As I sit in my cubicle, I have realized that the song Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros is on my iPod twice. I like it that way. That song gives me hope. And we're talking Barack Obama-style hope. Hope that lives on in most of us. The hope that the wonderful world could be wonderfuller. Shakespeare would be proud of that word... wonderfuller.

Back update! Every once in a while, I like to update my readers as to the condition of my back. I've been taking pills for back pain that appeared the Saturday after Thanksgiving. The following Monday I confronted the bastard pain and visited urgent care for some advice. After the x-ray told me I didn't have bone cancer or a herniated disc, I was prescribed indomethacin (C19H16ClNO4... for you chemical fans) as the doctor believed I had some sort of inflamed back muscle. Weird. Anyway, they work. Trust me. Though, I must say, I tend to get very tired about 5 hours after taking one. I nodded off during a training session at work and was looking forward to a "stern talking to," but it never came. The trainer only joked about his great ability to keep people awake.

Also, Pegatron was in an accident last week. She's doing much better, but it was very scary. However, after hearing the entire story, I grew a great respect for all the people that helped along the way. Between the first responders, state patrol and all the medical staff, Pegatron had a very pleasant experience for such an unpleasant accident. As with most traffic accidents, it was the stupidity of others that led to a brief hospitalization for Pegatron. Perhaps the saddest thing to come of this entire accident is the fact that Peggy and I will no longer have matching cars. So long, dear Echo. You will be missed... but not your lack of safety features.

'til next time.

Things I've Heard, Vol. 1

Since music is a fairly large part of my life, I decided to talk about a few of the new CDs and digital downloads I've enjoyed in the past few weeks.

• The Mighty Underdogs - Droppin' Science Fiction - The latest of hip hop supergroups, this CD on Def Jux label has been a joy to listen to. With Gift of Gab from Blackalicious and Lateef the Truth Speaker from Latyrx (and their producer Headnodic), this trio fell together after Lateef got together with Headnodic to make a solo album and Gift of Gab decided to drop in to collaborate with Lateef. If you're a fan of Blackalicious or enjoy a good J5 track, you'll like this. Inventive beats and a some great cameos from MF Doom on "Gun Fight" and one of my favorite MCs, Lyrics Born, on "ILL Vacation," make for a fun record, through and through.


• Sprengjuhöllin - Sprengjuhöllin - Dying for a little more Icelandic pop music in your life? Want to support the failing Icelandic economy? Well, either reason is a fine one to listen to Sprengjuhöllin. I have a severe soft spot for indie pop music and Sprengjuhöllin really delivers on the promise. Songs like Keyrum Yfir Ísland (rockin' out!) and Worry 'til Spring (ballad! gorgeous!) show just how much talent these guys have. If you want to be down with Iceland, this is definitely a disc or digital download you should consider.


• TV on the Radio - Dear Science - Obviously my favorite band would make it to this list of recent favorites. I'm not one to push TV on the Radio onto others, because they just are not the type of band anyone would want to listen to. But, the fact is, Dear Science is the most accessible CD the troupe has put out and therefore, I'm not pushing it on others to give a listen. They really try to make this album more "fun" than the others, which unfortunately means less substance, but they've taken part in that race and now want to explore a new version of themselves. This is a dandy.

• Marching Band - Spark Large - I don't think I've had a band stick around on my iTunes for very long without giving them a listen, however Marching Band is the exception and I made a terrible mistake for doing so. If you like The Shins, you'll probably dig Marching Band as well and if you wish The Magnetic Fields weren't so droopy, you'll enjoy the fresh Swedish pop of Marching Band. Do yourself a favor and at least check out the song, "Travel in Time."

• The BPA - Toejam (feat. Dizzee Rascal & David Byrne) - Ok. You caught me. This is only one song. But, I love it. It makes me so happy. And the music video will make anyone happy, whether you like the song or not. Boom.

That should be enough music to keep you happy for a few hours. By all means, if you've heard something wonderful lately, let other people know. In particular, let me know. Happy listening!

iPods and the True Meaning of Thanksgiving

One of life's simple pleasures is rediscovering things you own.

It has been about 2 1/2 to 3 years since I last used my iPod. It's clunky in comparison to today's "touch" models or the newest iPod nanos, but still works well. With it's relatively small screen and less-than-colorful display, it's not pleasing to the eye, but I've once again found the joy in having it. I generally enjoy listening to a CD or Minnesota Public Radio News in the car, so I never use the iPod. But, sitting next to the supervisor at work, who is inundated with people walking up to her and complaining/worrying/giggling/yelling, I found that I need something to keep me focused. Enter: iPod. I spent majority of Tuesday with earbuds in place and not only did I bust out a ton of work, but I also rediscovered a band I hadn't listened to in quite some time. What band, you ask? Cake. Yeah, WTF. How could I forget about Cake? So, after listening to the latest "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" from National Public Radio, I listened to every Cake album I have.

I wish I had an action figure at work that was covered in permanent ink. It seems as though people think they can just come to my desk and mess around with the things I've brought for decoration. I mean... yes... they technically are toys, but I have them to stand there and look ominous, not for someone to stop by, test the boundaries of it's plastic joints and saunter back to their desk. I'm obviously too "Minnesota nice" to say anything while they fondle my action figures, so I need something that will teach them a lesson. If only there were some toy out there that was constantly covered in a colored permanent liquid... a squid, perhaps.

I recently saw both the new 007 movie, Quantum of Solace, as well as the Disney Animation Studios film, Bolt. For the longest time, I've been a hater. I have avoided animated films at all costs since seeing, what-I-thought-was-a-train-wreck, Ice Age. I've folded and watched The Incredibles, but before that I hadn't enjoyed an animated film since Toy Story. So, seeing Bolt was dangerous. It could've perpetuated my current distaste of animated films (note: I don't dislike animation in general. It tends to only apply to feature-length films) or worse, I could've thrown up all over the place because of the bright colors. Well, the second was more probable because I saw Bolt in 3D. The movie was good. The 3D was better and though it totally messed with my head for about 10 minutes, I got used to it and it turned out to be quite amazing. On the recommendation of Butch Roy, I will continue to watch animated films, but only on the recommendation of others. So, in my animation queue sits Monsters, Inc. and WALL-E. And for those of you waiting to hear what I thought of the new Bond flick... I liked it. That is all.

Thanksgiving happens tomorrow. I agree with the idea of a harvest festival, to celebrate the planet that gives us life, but there's something terribly wrong with celebrating it as the peaceful gathering between American Indians and Pilgrims, gnawing on eel and maize on Plymouth Rock. If you have any doubt about how awful the white man has treated the Native population over the history of America, just read about the first Angl0-Powhatan War. Basically, when the colonists realized they didn't have enough food for the Winter, they just strong-armed Natives for their corn supply. Happy Thanksgiving, right!?!?! Anyway, enjoy the time you have with your family or the family of your significant other. Eat some potatoes. They're good for you.

'til next time.

Karate Kid and the Business Process

I really enjoy a good sketch session. Today at work I drew a picture, set up in the All Valley Karate Championship arena where the final fight of Karate Kid took place. I've replaced Daniel LaRusso with a monkey and his nemesis with the foot of the Cloverfield monster. The ref has a similar mustache, but is now a Weeble people. He wobbles, but he doesn't fall down. So ridiculous, but so fun to draw.

It's all of life's little things, isn't it?

In other news, I've started reading Moore's The Watchmen again. I read it a very long time ago and remember nothing, so before the movie comes out, I want to have a good base on which to judge said film. I have a good feeling that the Nite Owl will be my favorite character after I'm done, but I have no basis for that, just a random thought.

The final installment of Hellendrung, Scott and Associates goes up at Improv-A-Go-Go this Sunday. It's been such a joy to play with Jen Scott, whom I've decided is the nicest person in the Twin Cities. It'll be a great show as this week's associate is Josh Eakright of the Brave New Workshop mainstage. 8pm. Sunday. $1.

I've never understood why communication in a workplace fails, but I've now realized that a small portion of its' failure has something to do with how our generation does not take e-mail messages as seriously as a phone call or snail mail. At work, we get long e-mails of changes in the "business process" and are expected to just learn all these changes. I'd say we get these at least once a month if not more often. Many people just skip over them, thus making it more difficult to know if you're doing anything right. I'm frustrated and in need of some beef jerkey.

A New Hope and a New Cube

In the immortal words of the band Staind, "It's been awhile."

What a joy to be back on the ol' blog. A lot has happened in the last few weeks. At work, I've moved from the training facility to a cube. I can honestly say, I've never been happier to be in a cubicle. I do know, however, that very soon, I'll be regretting ever moving to a place in which I have to be in a cube. But, for now, I'm basking in the glory. So far, I've decorated my cube with a Hellboy action figure and a Mola Ram doll. I'm contemplating several pictures, motivational posters and a Star Wars ice planet Hoth action set. Or maybe I'll just have the two. Time will tell.

In politics, Barack Obama kicked some old guy's ass to become our next President. Though I was very excited for his win, the night of the election I was saddened that our Minnesota Senatorial race had not been decided. In fact, over a week later, we are still waiting for the recount. I really do hope that Al Franken can eek this one out. Also, Keith Ellison won. Hooray!

Words and phrases I will not miss:

• maverick
• Joe Sixpack
• Joe the Plumber
• pro-America
• "Our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of."

If Sarah Palin was our Vice President-elect, I might've thought about moving.

So, I love trivia. There's no use hiding it. Whether it's running a game of trivia at work, playing trivia games online, pub trivia or watching your favorite television game show; I love trivia. As you grow older, you learn more and more through experience, but I urge others to force yourself to learn something new and have fun doing it. If you love your religion, read about other religions to give yourself a better foothold within your own faith. If you love football, read about the origin. If you love foreign cultures, learn a language. And if you're like me and love random information and the general quest for knowledge, soak up everything you can. I challenge everyone out there to pick one thing and learn all about it. I'll report on my choice soon.

My boss lent me a copy of the 1966 version of Batman. Yes, folks, we're talking Pow! Whap! Oof! Bam! Batman. Let me just read the back cover for you:

When Batman and Robin get a tip that Commodore Schmidlapp is in danger aboard his yacht, they launch a rescue mission. But the tip is a set-up by four of the most powerful villains ever, who seek to defeat the Dynamic Duo once and for all! Armed with a dehydrator that can turn humans to dust, the fearsome foursome intends to take over the world! Can the Caped Crusaders use their high-flying heroism and groovy gadgetry to declaw Catwoman, ice the Penguin, upstage the Joker, and stump the Riddler in time?

Awesome. So very awesome. I love alliteration.

Hawk-Eye and Peanut Butter Franken Time

We, as human beings, take a lot for granted. I would never argue otherwise. There are things I'm thankful for, but few come close to the Hawk-Eye Officiating System.

Have you ever sat down to watch TV and found yourself watching one of four Grand Slam tournaments (Austrailian Open, French Open, Wimbledon, US Open)? This happens to me more often than one would think. I am a tennis fan, but I rarely know about the tournaments before catching them while channel surfing at home. Hawk-Eye is that computer system they use to allow players to dispute a judges call. It tracks the path of the ball and uses the principles of triangulation through four high speed video cameras around the court. In each frame sent from each camera, the system identifies the group of pixels which corresponds to the image of the ball. It then calculates for each frame the 3D position of the ball by comparing its position on at least 2 of the physically separate cameras at the same instant in time. A succession of frames builds up a record of the path along which the ball has traveled. Amazing, right? Right. Using the laws of physics, it can also predict the future path of a ball. Crazy!

In other, less random news, I finished my first audio project on GarageBand last night. I took a pre-existing song (Peanut Butter Jelly Time!) and simply recorded my voice saying a word ("Franken") over parts (the word "Jelly") to make it hilarious (Peanut Butter Franken Time!). It was a little treat for Pegatron and the Al Franken for Senate campaign for which she works. After playing it at the morning meeting, this was the conversation via text message between Pegatron and I:

Me: So, it went well?
Pegatron: Yes, we all peed ourselves.

After receiving that text, I realized that the idea of an entire political campaign staff peeing themselves simultaneously is much funnier than any song could ever be.

Until next time...

Google and the Molting of the Exoskeleton

G'day mates.

Many would agree that Google is, perhaps, the largest and most powerful company that people really don't complain about. People knock McDonald's, Nike, Wal-Mart and many others for various reasons. I've realized that Google is generally untouchable because it never lets you down. The latest Google tool, created out of noticing search trends, is both easy to use and civic-minded. This tool allows you to type in your address and you'll immediately be told where you vote on November 4th. I had no idea where I was supposed to go before today. I assume this is the case for many 20-somethings who move on a yearly basis into the next best apartment or house. Thank you, Google.


Check out the website above (frighteningprospect.com) for free images to post around the city. This tends to be a more vicious way of getting out the vote, but whatever works. Right? It's also hilarious. I also found this quote about Palin from the New York Times' Frank Rich:

So what if she is preposterously unprepared to run the country in the midst of its greatest economic crisis in 70 years? She looks and sounds like a winner.

Another fun thing to do is to check out ecdysis. Perhaps when we were all younger, we found the abandoned exoskeleton (exuvia) of a bug and wonder what it looked like to molt. Well, I'll be damned if someone didn't capture the two-hour process and make it a little more enjoyable for the everyman with this 12-second time-lapse of the ecdysis. It's unbelievable to think that these creatures do all their growing in one or two hours after molting because their exoskeleton begins to harden.

Here's a question: Why do the 3 Musketeers wield swords? They're called musketeers. They should have muskets. A Google image search of 3 Musketeers gathers photos of men with swords and candy bars. Shouldn't they at least carry muskets, even if they only plan on using their blades? I'm bothered by this and unfortunately it's all the little things that kill. How true, Gavin Rossdale, how true.

Obama Supporters

Yay! Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for President! It's reassuring that one of the most respected Republicans in America says that Barack is more capable of handling the economic crisis and that he'd much rather have Joe Biden in the on-deck circle than Sarah Palin. That's a no brainer. Also, saw Palin on SNL. I'll give her some credit... she sat there and smiled real nice while everyone made fun of her. That may improve her standing in some group of people, but it doesn't address the fact that she's incapable of handling the Vice Presidency.

In other news, I love Photoshop. It's probably my favorite computer program. Before Photoshop, it was Nibbles. Long before people were passing time with "Snake" or "Worm" on their mobile phones, I was playing Nibbles, published by Microsoft back in '91 for MS-DOS. But, back to Photoshop. I started making some different images based on the different "groups" for Obama like "Americans Abroad for Obama" and "Latinos for Obama" or "First Americans for Obama." Here are some of the results.

I have to say, I'm pretty impressed with how well these turned out. Of course, they could always be a little better, but they're solid, overall. Good times... good times. More blogging later.

Voting and My Favorite Sites

Last week I attended a voter rights panel to watch Pegatron spread the good word. It was enthralling. I had no idea that people had problems voting. And now for a very special "Did You Know?" section of my blog.

• Did you know that felons can vote? Yes, they can! As long as they are "off paper," meaning they are not currently in prison for a felony or on probation or parole. Otherwise, vote away! You've served your time and welcome back into society. But, still... you shouldn't have done the thing you did. Seriously. Felony? *slaps wrist*
• Did you know that homeless people can vote? Yes, they can! Let's assume you live under that bridge, you can register and vote in the precinct where your bridge is. And, hey, vote Obama. John McCain only loves rich people.
• Did you know that you can register at the poll? Yes, you can! Don't be fooled by the October 14th deadline to register. You need to bring ID, though (i.e. valid MN driver's license or ID card, student ID card, registration card or fee statement, tribal ID card) "But Tim, my driver's license is expired!" Never fear! Bring that expired license AND a recent utility bill and you're good to go.
• Did you know you don't need an ID if you're registered? That's right, you don't! If the election judge asks for your ID and you're registered, tell them to buck up and read the rules. It's a crime to deceive someone about the qualifications for or restrictions on voter eligibility. Talk to your county auditor if this happens. Otherwise, you're good to go.
• Did you know someone can challenge your right to vote? Yes, those bastards can! If they do, don't worry. First ask if they're from Minnesota. Outsiders can't take that right from you. After you've made sure they're from around here, ask the election judge to give an oath and test of residency. If you answer the questions correctly, you'll be allowed to vote.
• Did you know that if you accidentally click on John McCain for President and Sarah Palin for Vice President you can exchange your ballot for a new one? Yes, you can! If you spoil a ballot, just tell the election judge. As long as you return it, you can receive another. That's a state statute.

I hope this has been thrilling. And if not, I hope it has, at the very least, been somewhat informative. Also, see Fred Beukema's blog for info on wearing political swag to the poll.

And to avoid going completely political, I'm going to list some websites I like to visit.

• GraphJam! (Funny graphs.)
• BlankIt! (Funny comic written by Aric McKeown of the Mustache Rangers.)
• The Mustache Rangers! (Funny Podcast with Aric [see above] and Corey Anderson.)
• Exploding Dog! (Stick figures, robots and dogs drawn from your sentences.)
• Archie McPhee! (Stupid things you can buy, but wouldn't if you were fiscally responsible.)
• Minnesota Trial Court Public Access! (Wanna see if your friends and relatives have been ticketed or put on trial? Just go to Judgements Search.)
• Hulu! (Watch pretty much any TV show you've ever wanted to, for free.)
• Minneapolis Improv Boards! (Talk about improv in Minneapolis. Or not.)

Good day to you, sir.

Failure and the Quantum Leap

Day three of the "$20 a week" challenge. I've failed.

I went to the Bryn Mawr Market to get some poor-meal essentials (bread, jelly, peanut butter) and without checking the prices, as I assumed they were reasonable, brought the three items to the counter. Within seconds the items rang up and it came to $11. When the hell did peanut butter and jelly get so expensive? Needless to say, this little trip to the market ruined me for the week. I may attempt to live on $30 a week soon, but I need to pout about the price of peanut butter and jelly for a while.

This challenge has made me very aware of the money I spend, so for at least the next few weeks, I'm sure I'll be thrifty.

I woke up this morning at Pegatron's and I rarely stay at her house, so for a brief second I had no idea where I was. In that moment, I had a creepy thought that I woke up in another person's body, in the vein of Quantum Leap. I loved that show.

A Goal and a Dramatic Explosion

Starting yesterday and for the next month, I am going to attempt to spend only $20 a week on sustenance and other willy-nilly items. Soup and bread for lunch ($1.75, roughly) and whatever comes my way for dinner should be just fine. A coworker, told me that my body will feel hungry if it is a little dehydrated, so I'll also be increasing the amount of water I drink at work. I do hope that my urge for a Tuesday DVD run will subside as this week goes on, but the most difficult part will be ordering water at the bar. I like beer... a lot. In fact, I would even call myself a beer evangelist, spreading the good word of beers I've tasted and enjoyed. It's important to also know that I do not have a ploethera of food in wait at my home. In fact, I have very little at home. Perhaps I'll vulture some leftovers and get crafty with what little I have at home. I'll keep my blog updated with my progress. It is Tuesday and I have $16 left.

I have also started a profile at 43 Things. So far, I've listed 8 things I want to do. The majority are large goals and a few are not so huge. It's a great site to keep you motivated on accomplishing goals. And you can cheer on others as they attempt to chase their dreams.


I've started watching the FX Original Series "Sons of Anarchy." I'm a big fan of Ron Perlman and this is a no holds barred hellfire motorcycle ride to explosionville. I've realized what it takes for me to really enjoy a dramatic television series and it breaks down to 3 rules.

1. Must have organized crime or warring clans
2. Must have massive explosions
3. Must offer an occasional giggle

I loved the show "The Black Donnellys" and find the set up and delivery very similar to "Sons of Anarchy." The show can be seen here.

My sickness has left. It's feels good to swallow and not wince. The other reason I'm pleased it's gone is a little show for which I want to be healthy. Creature Feature/Survivors of the Undead Plague is set for the next three Thursdays at the Brave New Workshop at 8pm. The earlier start time is going to bring the crowds in, so I recommend buying tickets online.

Until next time.

A conversation with Matt and Peggy.

Me: Have you seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall?"
Matt: No.
Me: It was great. I would go so far as to say it was the funniest movie I've seen this year.
Matt: Have you seen "Kung Fu Panda?"
Me: No.
Peggy: What if "Kung Fu Panda" was the basis on how we rated the movies we watch?
Me: Yeah, so I saw this great movie the day. It was called "Die Fälscher," or "The Counterfeiters." It's a Holocaust movie about Germany's attempt to use Jewish prisoners to counterfeit the British Pound and the U.S. Dollar to fund the war effort. It's no "Kung Fu Panda," but it was pretty good.

Ahh.... what if?

The Monopoly Game and the closing of my throat

Good news!

The Monopoly Game started at McDonald's yesterday. This will, no doubt, increase the amount of time I spend under the golden arches. This is both a good thing (MONOPOLY) and a bad thing (large meals consisting of primarily grease).

Barack was said to have won the debate last night. I watched a good amount of said debate and tend to agree. McCain is so awkward. I would feel so much better about this election had he not selected Sarah Palin as his running mate. God, she sucks.

The Gay/Straight Alliance is up again at Improv-A-Go-Go for the next three Sundays. Following that, 3 weeks of Hellendrung, Scott & Associates. Creature Feature and Survivors of the Undead Plague continues for the next 4 Thursdays in October. I won't be in tomorrow's show, but it's gonna be sweet meat without me. Also, CSz continues. I love this stuff.

My parents met Pegatron last night for the very first time. All parties involved were pleased. I knew that no other outcome was possible, but it was good for them to meet her. I know they were excited to do exactly that.

FallCon was last weekend. I purchased DC comics for the first time, ever. I was excited to get Superman Red Son, a book with the premise that Superman landed 10 hours later than he originally did and grew up in the Soviet Russia. Brilliant! I also met Alex Grecian, the writer of my current favorite, Proof. He told me to write him a letter. So, I will.

I've finally re-stocked on Q-tips and I can now stop taking them from my roommates. I know they're just Q-tips, but I've certainly contemplated replacing the 30 or so I've taken since moving in. In addition, I've also purchased Dove body soap. It's the first time I've not had either Irish Spring or Zest and I'm a bit nervous, but it smells so good. Mmmm... cucumbers.

Bad news!

I've had a weird sickness that kept me away from work Monday. It hurts a great deal to swallow and you really have no idea how much one swallows during the day until it hurts to do so. I find myself chewing things much longer so that they're reduced to a mere pulp in order to slowly squeeze them by my aching tonsils.

I have to wait 3 more months to the opening home game of the season for the Minnesota Swarm at Xcel Energy Center. I don't want to wait. I want it now, daddy! *breaks into song*

I want the world.
I want the whole world.
I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate.
Give it to me.
Now!

Don't care how, I want it now.
Don't care how, I want it now!

Darn Sarah Palin to Heck

Biden/Palin.

It was the debate everyone was looking forward to. America wanted to see if Sarah Palin would break under the pressure. For the first half hour of the debate, she held her own. She connected to the American people. She talked about her roots. She mentioned "Main Street," which is one of my favorite phrases in politics. She was more energetic than Biden from the get-go, but we soon realized that she only had enough ammunition for the battle and not the entire war. She kept mentioning how John McCain was such a maverick. She used the same phrases over and over again. She flat-out said she's not going to answers questions the way the moderator wanted. And though she didn't fall into the well, she never helped her own case. Biden talked about how McCain isn't really a maverick and Palin had no rebuttle. Biden asked the American people if they are better off than they were 8 years ago and Palin had no rebuttle. Biden again mentioned that McCain wouldn't even sit down with Spain without preconditions and Palin had no rebuttle.

All in all, I'm a liberal. Of course I'm going to be cheering for the hometown team, but even conservatives have to be asking if Palin is ready for the Vice Presidency. And with McCain a heartbeat away from shuffling off this mortal coil, conservatives really need to ask if Palin is ready for the Presidency. That, my friends, would be a rhetorical question.

Last night, Biden looked Presidential. Palin looked Mayoral. End of story.

Sarah Palin is to this election as...

I'd like any of the readers of this blog to create original analogies featuring the line Sarah Palin is to this election as Blank is to Blank.

For example:
Sarah Palin is to this election as "Ernest Goes to Jail" is to the Cannes Film Festival.

Feel free to write it out any way you feel comfortable. Either in a full sentence or as you would see on the SAT or ACT (i.e. Sarah Palin :: This Election as "Ernest Goes to Jail :: The Cannes Film Festival).

Happy Analogizing!

The Walking Dead and Hotdog Buns

I love zombies so much. Spent last night seeing Zak Snyder's remake of the George A. Romero classic Dawn of the Dead. It has, perhaps, one of the greatest openings to a horror movie in quite some time. Also see Survivors of the Undead Plague, an improvised zombie movie, as our run begins tonight and every Thursday in October as a double-bill with Creature Feature, the improvised monster movie. It's gonna be giggity.

I'm not foodie, but I enjoy a fine meal every so often. I can also appreciate the simple things in edible creations. There is one thing, however, I cannot stand: Hotdog bun warmers at SuperAmerica. I'm probably never going to say or write the proceding sentence ever again, so take note; I like moist buns. As the plastic-wrapped buns at SuperAmerica sit in the warmer for hours, they start to lose their moisture and then, inevitably, either one side or one end of the bun takes on the texture of toast. If I wanted toast, I would've purchased toast. No, I wanted a juicy Polish sausage in a moist bun. (I took about 30 seconds deciding whether to keep the previous sentence in this blog and decided to leave it in because I'm THAT serious about hotdog bun texture) Does anyone else find the contrasting temperatures of the meat and bun to be soothing? I didn't enlist for pigs in a blanket, I signed up for hotdog. Bah!

The Windy City and Ororo Munroe

The weekend is over. In fact, it's been over for a while now. But, it was a good one, to be sure.

Left for Chicago on Friday night and stayed until late Monday. Here are a few things I noticed or experienced:

• White Sox fans hate Cubs fans more than Twins fans.
• Rims can be put on a conversion van, contrary to popular belief.
• Money ceases to be an issue when drinking.
• Track jackets are easy to find in large cities.
• Cabbies in Chicago are great, second only to Dublin, Ireland.
• Spending time with Pegatron is easy.
• Sarah Palin is still completely useless.

All in all, I had a great time in Chicago and was happy to see Millenium Park, the Field Museum, Wrigley Field and a ploethera of other shops and sights. I liked Chicago better than New York, but I'm still finding myself most comfortable in Minneapolis. I love this place.

Picked up some comics yesterday at The Source. Happy to say I'm the proud owner of the 4-issue limited series "Damage Control." It's an interesting concept. Superheroes fuck shit up. Damage Control cleans up their mess. Written and illustrated back in '89, it certainly is hard to get used to the old printing style, but it's fun nonetheless. A little Fantastic Four, Ironman, Spiderman, Thor, and the X-Men made cameos in the series.

NOTE: Storm is much cooler with a white mohawk ('83-'91), rather than the current poof that Halle Berry sports in the movies. (The mohawk was put on Storm because the artist heard they were going to change her hair style, so he took the liberty of making her hair look like Mr. T. That joke lasted 8 years, but should've lasted longer.)

Also, I had a great conversation with Troy, Damien and Fred last evening on the current financial crisis in America. As with most converations on the topic, I felt a bit uneducated. Monday night I calculated how much each United States citizen would get if the 700 Billion dollars were split up for all of us and it came out to about $2,300. I think Americans would be pretty happy if we got all that cash, however it will most likely go to the terds who hedged their bets and lost.























Thank you to GraphJam for the jammin' graph.

A good start.

What a good weekend this will be.

Not only did I see an amazing concert by Sigur Rós at the Orpheum Theatre, but I left the theatre only to find out that the Twins upset the Chicago White Sox to sweep the series and move into first place in the AL Central. Yes!

Also, I get to go to Chicago with Pegatron this weekend. I've never been to the windy city before, so this should be an adventure. And you know what they say about adventures, right? I think it's something like, "adventures are the real deal." This is according to Google, if one were to search "adventures are." They are correct. Adventures are the real deal.

Also, mad props to my roommate for giving Pegatron and I a ride to the lightrail to get to the airport tomorrow. For that, I will bake her a cake. Or... just buy one from Lund's.

Twins: The Movie.

Last evening, it came to my attention that it would be rather easy to cast a movie that was based on the current line-up for the Minnesota Twins. I had a lot of fun doing this. Here you go:

Leonardo DiCaprio is Designated Hitter and Utility Player Jason Kubel

Stay with me on this one. We all know how dreamy Leo is, but if he put on a few pounds, he'd be perfect to play the pudgy, homerun-hitting Jason Kubel.

Matt Damon is First Baseman Justin Morneau

This was easier than any of the Twins. If Justin were smiling, the resemblance would be even more striking.

Damon Wayans is Second Baseman Alexi Casilla

Hahaha. You know I'm right.

Josh Hartnett is Catcher Joe Mauer

Minnesota native playing a Minnesota native. Perfect.

Jamie Foxx is Center Fielder Carlos Gomez

This may be a bit of a stretch, but I believe in the character-acting skills of Jamie Foxx.

Mykelti Williamson is Left Fielder Delmon Young

Best known for his role as "Bubba" in Forrest Gump, Mykelti is a fine choice for Delmon. The only issue that may arise is the age of Young, who is very young.

Alfonso Ribeiro is Right Fielder Denard Span

Who misses Carlton? I do. So, we're bringing him back to play his best role, Denard Span.

Carlos Mencia is relief pitcher Dennys Reyes










Too easy. Maybe if you were more talented, you'd be more well-liked. Which one am I talking to? The world may never know.

Young Robert DeNiro is Shortstop Nick Punto












Ok, so this may be cheating. But, I think it'd be great. Can you imagine the movie posters? DeNiro would obviously headline, but then people would see this Twins movie and realize DeNiro plays Punto, of all players. Haha.

Casey Affleck is Closing Pitcher Joe Nathan












I would also suggest Casey Affleck uses the same timid voice he used for Robert Ford in The Assassination of Jesse James.

Zombies and other signs of the apocalypse

There is an albino spider that has been living in my car for some time now. I remember seeing him at the end of June or early July and attempted to grind him into the floor, but his dance moves helped him escape my death stomp. He still lives somewhere in my car. I know this because I will enter my car after a day of little-to-no usage and will run into spider webs. I think he's playing a joke on me. It's never a full web, just a few strands to piss me off. However, the joke's on him... I've named this albino spider, Brother Ali.

Zombies are starting to take over again. Rehearsals for Survivors of the Undead Plague have been going very well. Troy, Damian and I are continuing the tradition after the "Exit Stage Left" of Hannah. It was a bit of a blow at first since we'd traditionally kept to our genders, but all rehearsals since the departure have been successful, making me sure creating new female characters won't be an issue. I'm extremely excited for these upcoming shows. In other zombie news, I've spent more than 3 hours in 1 work day playing a free online game called Boxhead. Please, do the same. It's worth it.

In fashion, my affinity for Puma attire is increasing exponentially. I'm not sure what it is about Puma, but they have a street cred that is unparalelled by other sports apparel. Puma: Unparalelled Apparel. I'm calling them right now to tell them their new ad campaign.

This is how we do it... baby.

In my last post, I mentioned Minneapolis taking over as the Minnesota State Capital. I, however, wrote that it would be the Capitol (please notice different spelling). How is it that 24 years of life has not taught me that using an "O" refers to the actual building and only the building. That's goddamn hootenany! I always thought the "O" was used when referring to a capital city or the capitol itself. However, I was wrong and I'm not happy about it. Here is a ridiculous sentence that shows just how ridiculous this ridiculous grammar issue is:

Steve lived in the capital, but not the capitol.

Fuck that noise. I'm happy English is my native tongue because if I had to learn it as a second language, I would've given up years ago.

In sports, my Fantasy Football team won for the first time this year. I'd like to thank Marion Barber of the Dallas Cowboys. And the Academy. Also, I'd like to thank Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers who returns to the game this week after a 2-game suspension for breaking a teammates nose. You were missed. I'm gonna need you to step up, Steve. No joke.

I went and saw 'Burn After Reading' with Pegatron last night at AMC Southdale. My bias will emerge here quickly as the Coen Brothers' last film, 'No Country For Old Men,' is my favorite film. I really liked this comedy. Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, George Clooney and Frances McDormand were all phenomenal at portraying generally bad people, with McDormand (and perhaps Pitt) being the only exceptions. Additionally, I've found that I am really captivated whenever J.K. Simmons is on screen. I'll call it "stage presence." Anyhoo, I recommend the film if you like the Coen Brothers. If you don't like the Coen Brothers' previous work, you may not find this film as enjoyable as I did.

I found this website, too. Need a Knife/Spoon/Fork (Sporkife?) combo? How about a desktop cat bed? Dying to get a home earthquake seismograph? Look no further. Yay!

35W and the eMusic Giveaway!

I will start today's entry with a paragraph from the Minneapolis Star Tribune referring to the opening of the 35W bridge on Thursday.

The new bridge could see more cars, fewer cars or the same amount, Levinson said. "That, I think, will be an interesting thing to watch."

Thank you for your insight, Mr. Levinson.

By the by, I was thinking about where I was the day the bridge collapsed and I remember that I had just arrived at ComedySportz. The artistic director, Doug, told me the 35W bridge fell. I giggled because I was at ComedySportz and that's a pretty ridiculous claim. Well, as it turned out, he was telling the truth much to my chagrin. I left for New York the next morning and it was strange to see Minnesota all over the news in the Big Apple. Everyone who checked my ID in New York asked about the bridge. They knew it was a big deal, but they had no idea where the bridge was in relation to Minneapolis or St. Paul. Most people thought it was the only bridge between our twin cities. And if it hadn't been so soon after the event, I probably would've told them that it was the only link and now St. Paul has to give up their rights as State Capitol. Why? Because that's funny.

In entertainment news, I was fortunate enough to receive an e-mail from eMusic.com inviting me back to their website with an amazing 75 free downloads. Jigga wha? 75? So, I'm going to pay you $11 a month for 30 downloads (fair pricing) and just for doing that, you're going to give me an extra $25 worth of music. Awesome... but how do you stay afloat? I've already downloaded Rodrigo y Gabriela and Calexico. I'm considering picking up the entire Mitch Hedberg collection. Any suggestions?

Hookah, anyone?

I had the opportunity to have a smoke with some friends of mine at Jafa Grill and Hookah Bar on Central Ave this weekend. The flavor of Sex on the Beach tobacco is not the most pleasurable, but I felt like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. And because alcohol is not halal, we just drank an apple malt beverage with no intoxicating agents. It was great to just go out and be social without drinking. It's unfortunately a rare occurance nowadays. Having more Muslim friends would make me a much healthier person.


Peggy and I have started a quote book of sorts entitled "Nocturnal Confessions." It is made up entirely of the things I say in my sleep. Once we've compiled enough, I'll start posting them. Here is the logo I've created for "Nocturnal Confessions."

I think that is a fine logo.

I've acquired 3 new Puma items. It was a good weekend.

Cobblestones and Coffeepots.

Random Thoughts

• There is something about Chipotle that elicits great stories.
• One of my favorite things to draw is a dinosaur (brontasaurus).
• I cannot play first-person shooter games as I get motion sickness.
• It's hard for me to believe I get paid as much as I do to do what I do.
• Lime Helmet!

Governor of Alaxsxaq and Pitiful Protesters

I don't mean for my first blog entry to be political, so please don't assume this is my only goal. I'll be sure to mention something later in the post that will seem harmless and unrelated to the politics game.

That being said, I dislike Sarah Palin. I appreciate that she resembles Tina Fey, Lisa Loeb, Marsha Brady and the drummer from the Kings of Leon, but when your political experience is limited to Mayor of BumFuckNowhere, I cannot even pretend to think you're qualified to be next in line to who could be our oldest president ever by a cool 3 years. You're probably saying to yourself, "Self, shouldn't you trust a person who's served as Governor of our 49th State?" No. You shouldn't. Alaska, as a state, has fewer residents than the city of Memphis, TN and she's only been in office for a little under 2 years. You're a pretty face Palin, but your shit's weak.

Politics! Yes, Minneapolis/St. Paul are hosting the Republican National Convention. We drove by First Lady Laura Bush's motorcade on the way to a show in Decorah, Iowa and that, so far has been my only run-in with the convention. It bothers me that we had to get the RNC instead of the DNC. It would've been glorious to have Biden and Barack. Instead, we have to deal with the protesters.

ATTENTION PROTESTERS: You can be ignored because politicians know that once your protest is peacefully held, you go home. Media has learned how to dismiss you. Police know how to contain you. American politics are immune to the individual. And though you've amassed a group of five-, ten-, fifteen thousand, the majority of you are part-time activists who only plan on this one protest and then casting a ballot on Tuesday, November 4. The power of protest has diminished since the 1960's. You're still using the same tactics 40 years later. You are no longer a threat. You are merely an annoyance.

Ok... I'm done with politics for this go around.

On a lighter note, I'm starting bagpipe lessons next week! I've had a chanter (the bagpipe sans bag and drones) for a few years now and was going to teach myself, but I've never been one to do that successfully, the one exception being Irish Rhetoric.

A quote: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. -Willy Wonka