Tim's Best of 2010 Magic Music Mix

It's that time again. Time to release my opinion to the world. Here are my favorite tracks from the previous year. Now, I'm not exactly sure if all 22 songs will fit on a single disc, but I don't want to remove any songs, so here we go.

1. Excuses by The Morning Benders

• First heard this track when a friend from college mailed me a mix of his recent favorites earlier in 2010. A lovely tune that will, no doubt, open the mix.

2. A More Perfect Union by Titus Andronicus

• This disc was recommended to me by fellow UMM graduate and KUMM DJ, now Current DJ, Mac Wilson. The opening track is epic, but was reviewed as overly ambitious and a bit sloppy by a lot of music review sites, however I really gravitated to this track. If you're looking for a Civil War concept album, check out "The Monitor."

3. Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons

• Overplayed the most, second only to Vampire Weekend (thanks, Honda!), in 2010, Mumford & Sons put together an amazing list of tracks that ended up really making this year one in which I found myself slowly retreating to music that my parents might also like, minus the swear. Plug a banjo in a song and it'll probably make me happy.

4. Wait So Long by Trampled By Turtles

• More banjo. And lots of it. Trampled by Turtles is one of those Minnesota bands to which I hadn't paid attention until 2010. I always assumed they were a jam band not unlike Umphrey's McGee or Phish, but I was wrong. I was judging Trampled By Turtles by the company they keep at hippie music festivals. Sorry guys. Nice work.

5. Father's Son by Fistful of Mercy

• Don't be fooled by their Christian-rock-band-sounding name, Fistful of Mercy killed it on the 3rd episode of Conan. That's where I first heard this song. More twang for the mix, only proving my hypothesis that listening to country on the radio during every car ride as a kid would eventually make me listen to country (or some derivative thereof) as I got older. The rest of the disc isn't glorious, but no worries, this song delivers.

6. I Hope You Die by Wye Oak

• Pretty sure this track was also featured on the mix created by my college friend, Adam Kollasch, but not positive. Both the Maryland State tree and a band from Maryland, Wye Oak puts together a nice little ditty here for us all. Also, hearing this temptress' voice belt out 'I hope you die' makes me happier than it should.

7. I Need A Dollar by Aloe Blacc

• Recession music! Soulful and simple. You'll be tapping your foot to the beat by the end of it. If not, check your pulse.

8. Sampleame by The Pinker Tones

• I have no idea what they're saying, but it sure is fun. Pop music from Spain. Not sure why I like this song so much. If it weren't in Spanish, I would probably pass over it, but it is in Spanish, so... I didn't. Just a catchy tune.

9. The Cave - Mumford & Sons

• More banjo. I know. You're unimpressed with my ability to resist folk music in 2010. Shut up. You know you wanted to go to one of their two appearances in the Twin Cities this year. You're so judgmental. Maybe that should be your resolution for 2011. Don't be so judgmental. Also, CONGRATS to Mumford & Sons for being the first band to deliver two songs to my Magic Music Mix in one year.

10. End Times by Eels

• The saddest song of 2010. A song about divorce. A weird pick for a year in which I got engaged to the loveliest of lovelies, but sometimes you don't have to relate to a song to enjoy it immensely. That's the case with 'End Times.'

11. Groove Me by Maximum Balloon

• 2 things. 1) Awesome band name. It's one of those names that my best friend Kyle would think of and I would shoot it down immediately for it's idiocy. But, have some Brooklyn cat name their solo project Maximum Balloon and I swoon. Swoon. Balloon. Another band name that my friend Kyle thought of that I refuse to like: Wicker Basket 2) With TV on the Radio on hiatus for a year, Maximum Balloon filled in where I needed them to for my Sitek/Adebimpe fix.

12. All Of The Lights by Kanye West (feat. Rihanna and a shitload of other people, I guess)

• Blah. Blah. Blah. We all hate Kanye. Blah. Blah. Blah. He's brilliant. Blah. Blah. Blah. Best hiphop album of 2010. Blah. Blah. Blah. I got goosebumps when the the :27 second mark hits. Blah. Blah. Blah.

13. Fuck You by Cee Lo Green

• If this isn't on your Best of 2010 list, you're a fucking liar. Fuck you.

14. Animal by Prof

• This dude should be on Rhymesayers. Open up that record label to party rap. Vulgar? Yeah. That might be his only setback. This was my summer jam.

15. The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel

• A cover song graces the mix. And it is with grace that this song is delivered by none other than Peter Gabriel. This is one of those songs that could very possibly be the song I first dance to with my new wife in September. The book of love is long and boring, but this song isn't. Check out the other phenomenal track from this disc, "Flume." A Bon Iver cover.

16. Cameras by Matt & Kim

• This one bangs. I love it more than you know. Matt & Kim return after having a track on the 2009 Magic Music Mix. Catchy indie pop music. I also love the titular line... No times for cameras/We'll use our eyes instead... Good words to live by.

17. Bloodbuzz Ohio by The National

• On almost everyone's list this year, The National put great song together with "Bloodbuzz Ohio." I tend to sing in a lower key than most, so I also appreciate a song with which I can sing along and not strain my voice to match the lead singer's. I imagined this song being about an immortal vampire born in Ohio with financial troubles. Try listening to it with that in mind. Totally works.

18. Audience - Cold War Kids

• Heard this one late in 2010 on local radio and really liked it. I tried not to like it because I saw a tweet from someone that was snarky toward the track, but then I realized that I don't care. You're allowed to disagree with me, but I like this song a ton and won't be swayed.

19. The Best Day - Atmosphere

• Another latecomer to the mix, I heard this one on New Year's Eve, so it counts. Upbeat doesn't even begin to describe this song. Picking a local hiphop superstar may be a safe choice, but this has the same feel as 'Sunshine,' released back in 2007. An extremely happy song every 3 years seems acceptable.

20. Ambling Alp by Yeasayer

• The strangest music video of 2010 and another track on the Magic Music Mix. I can't help but think this song would've been a Top 40 hit in the 80's.

21. Swim Until You Can't See Land by Frightened Rabbit

• Along the same lines as the track "Aeon" from last year's mix, this song caught my attention because of the new sound the lead singer delivered. He's definitely Scottish. I can't help wanting to share this song with you because of that crazy Scottish voice. A fairly normal and good song otherwise.

22. Radio-Inactive by Blueprint

• He says it best in the song: "Rhyme for five minutes straight with no breaks, no hooks, no punchlines, no similes, so I'm easy to overlook." Yep. It's most like 4 minutes and 7 seconds, but you could round up.

That's it. My picks for 2010.

If you'd like a disc, let me know. It'll be a while before I can put them together, but I wanted to release the list today.

And if I don't talk to you before you get a disc... ENJOY.

Signs of the Apocalypse... or not.

I think of myself as someone who is technically inclined. Microsoft Office is a cinch. I can navigate through photoshop with relative ease. I even know what those little dials do on the top of sound boards/mixers and how microphones work. But, I had a brief Oh-My-God-I'm-Getting-Old moment when I realized that I have no idea how an RSS feed works. It's been around a while now and I should, at the very least, have some clue as to it's uses and related programs. But no.

Have the relative ease of Facebook, Twitter and all Apple products taken away the need to be technically proficient?

I know some may think this is ridiculous, but this brief lapse in clarity and confidence will no doubt lead me to start reading ludicrous amounts of articles online about various things that I don't really need to know about to avoid any future old-timey debacles.

The Walking Dead!

I am very happy today. This is why...

Robert Kirkman's acclaimed comic The Walking Dead had a chance of being adapted into a television series by none other than the incredible Frank Darabont (The Mist, Shawshank Redemption, etc, etc.), but negotiations were still underway in August. No longer, however- Variety is now reporting that AMC has greenlit the project!

Not only did Darabont write the show but he's on board to direct the pilot. What did we do to deserve this goodness? He will execute produce the show along with Gale Anne Hurd of Valhalla Motion Pictures and David Alpert of Circle of Confusion.

Working with people like Frank Darabont and Gale Anne Hurd is the right way in for us to deliver a project of distinction in this genre," AMC president Charlie Collier said.

You're damn right it is!

The Walking Dead is a series that started off pretty fantastically but then got bogged down by the fifth or sixth trade and never fully recovered. In its its beginnings however it told some of the best zombie-related stories you could find. Following a former cop as he struggles to reunite with his family and keep a small band of survivors safe, this could make for some truly compelling television. It's still amazing to think that one day soon we'll be able to sit down once a week and see something new from Darabont.

AMC has also approved a show called The Killing, which is based on a Danish TV series (Forbrydelsen). It's a crime drama about a female investigator who "cares more for the dead than the living". AMC is sure set to get darker soon...

From CHUD.com

Tim's Best of 2009 Magic Music Mix

Well, what better way to ring the blog into the New Year with my favorite songs of 2009. Sure, it's a little heavy in Minnesota hip hop and has it's fair share of songs that everyone else liked this year, but I don't think that should be deterrent. Sometimes those songs are popular for a reason. The reason being that they're just really good songs. Every year I read that "[Insert Year Here] was a terrible year in music." This is rarely true. I had a playlist of almost 40 songs that I thought were worthy of the mix, but narrowed it down to 20. That's a lot of music for a mix CD, I know. But, why not cram as much awesome onto one CD as possible. Without any further ado, here is Tim's Best of 2009 Magic Music Mix.

1. "11th Dimension" - Julian Casablancas

2. "1901" - Phoenix

3. "Sleepyhead" - Passion Pit

4. "Fresh Air" - Brother Ali

5. "Tema do Canibal" - BK-One

6. "Warm Heart of Africa" - The Very Best

7. "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" - Cage The Elephant

8. "Daylight" - Matt and Kim

9. "Percussion Gun" - White Rabbits

10. "Smile" - Eyedea & Abilities

11. "Zero" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

12. "Purexed" - P.O.S.

13. "Animal" - Miike Snow

14. "Dominoes" - The Big Pink

15. "All In" - Grouch & Eligh (Ft. Gift Of Gab and Pigeon John)

16. "Raindrops" - Basement Jaxx

17. "Stillness is the Move" - Dirty Projectors

18. "40 Day Dream" - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

19. "Laughing With" - Regina Spektor

20. "Aeon" - Antony & the Johnsons

CDs available upon request. BAM! Hello, 2010.

Survivors and the Zombies They've Survived

Please check out the new Survivors of the Undead Plague website. The new audio clip is tops.

October brings another round of head-smashing, zombie improv as Damian, Troy and myself join Creature Feature at the Brave New Workshop in Uptown, MPLS in a double-bill of epically scary proportions. Check it.

It's gonna get ugly... in an awesome way.

I Cannot Escape Renee Zellweger. She Is Everywhere.

I cannot escape Renee Zellweger. Today alone, I came across two more things on which she is peeing. I mean... I'll give her props for Bridget Jones' Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason as she is cast well as a funny looking woman, but everything else? Blech!

I've also realized the first time I didn't like her in a movie. It was Me, Myself and Irene. I really enjoyed that movie... except her.

Here is a horror movie she is doing. At least she is frightened in this movie. That brings me great joy.
http://www.filmshaft.com/thrilling-trailer-for-case-39/

This will be the last entry on Renee Zellweger. Though I thoroughly dislike her, I try not to be mean-spirited. I think I've reached the point where I say to myself, "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all."

But, if she ends up in a movie that I'm genuinely excited about, I will be forced to complain again. If she touches any zombie-related films, I will eat her brains.

Renee Zellweger Sucks and District 9 Does Not

You've probably heard the buzz about the new sci-fi thriller District 9. You've heard that it is a social commentary on apartheid, aptly set in Johannesburg, South Africa. You've heard that they didn't spend hundreds of millions of dollars like most summer blockbusters. You've heard it's good. Right? Did you hear that it's good? Beacuse it is good. I usually wouldn't blog about a movie I saw unless it really struck a chord and this one does. So did New In Town. But, New in Town struck the wrong chord and I fucking hate Renee Zellweger.

But, I digress. District 9 started well and ended well. The special effects were top notch and I found myself invested in the characters very early on. There have been a rash of great movies this summer and more are set to be released soon (i.e. Inglorious Basterds), but I certainly recommend District 9 for everyone. There is a bit of gore, but it certainly doesn't overshadow the story.

Tonight: Donny Dirk's Zombie Den.

A Zombie Den? Yes, please.

Most people know I love everything zombie. With that being said, I am excited to share my knowledge of a new bar in Minneapolis that is zombie-themed. It is Donny Dirk's Zombie Den. Now, you might be hesitant to visit just such a place because of the threat zombies pose, however, do not let this deter you. The zombie apocalypse has yet to arrive, so in the mean time, enjoy this fancy new bar in North Minneapolis (NoMi).

With bartenders decked out in "Shaun of the Dead" threads and waitresses wearing long black gowns, I am giddy with excitement. As I am sure there are themed drinks and kitsch, I will surely post again to tell of my travels to this undead pub from the same lass who brought you Psycho Suzi's in NordEast. Who's going with me?

I Can Haz Cheezburger, Morty?

Every great once in a while you find a real gem on the internet. My friend and fellow improvisor, Jill Bernard, got me a little hooked I Can Has Cheezburger, or LOLCats, and I've come across several awesome ones, but nothing compares to this:

This could be the oldest LOLCat ever. It is a captioned cat photo from 1905.

I love the internet.

Playlists and Fountains of Wayne

As I wade through the list of things to do today at work, I am comforted only by a new playlist I've made for Clifford. I wanted to remind myself how easy life used to be. What better way to do so than create a playlist of songs I remember from middle school. Here's the list:

Superdrag - "Sucked Out"
Cornershop - "Brimful of Asha"
Bush - "Swallowed"
Silverchair - "Tomorrow"
Toadies - "Possum Kingdom"
Filter - "Hey Man, Nice Shot"
System of a Down - "Spiders"
Candlebox - "Far Behind"
Orgy - "Blue Monday"
Monster Magnet - "Space Lord"
Radiohead - "High and Dry"
Butthole Surfers - "Pepper"
Stabbing Westward - "Save Yourself"
Local H - "Bound for the Floor"
Alice in Chains - "Rooster"
Soundgarden - "Burden In My Hand"
Smashing Pumpkins - "Bullet with Butterfly Wings"
Nine Inch Nails - "The Perfect Drug"
Pearl Jam - "Evenflow"
Rage Against the Machine - "Bulls on Parade"
The Deftones - "Change (in the House of Flies)"

All in all, I'm pretty pleased with the list. Of course, there could be additions. If there are any songs that remind you of this era gone by, let me know. One that I've left off was the first song I ever heard by Fountains of Wayne, "Radiation Vibe." I love that Fountains of Wayne won the best new artist award at the MTV music awards in 2003, 7 years after they released their first album with "Radiation Vibe." Oh, MTV. You've single-handedly helped and ruined popular music. Well done.

The Big Red iPod and Deep Thoughts

I'd like to welcome a new addition to the Hellendrung family: Clifford.

Clifford is my new iPod nano. I purchased him after my 2nd Generation iPod, named Tylop, passed away on Friday at work. The last song to play on Tylop was Glen Hansard's "Say It To Me Now" from the Once Soundtrack. Interestingly enough, as if my iPod were some strange form of Bumblebee from Transformers, only able to speak through song, the final words echoed, "so if you have something to say... say it to me now." I didn't even realize that my iPod was so emotionally attached.

But, death offers the promise of new life. And I now have a lovely little guy named Clifford. Named after the big red dog of the same name. Something inside of me hoped that the first song that played would be something monumental, telling of the start of something new and gorgeous. Sadly, the first song played was "Stronger" by Kanye West. I couldn't find a deeper meaning because I was dancing.

Racist Boycotts and the First Demerit

There's no question that President Obama has changed the world. He's been progressive and outspoken and brilliant in so many ways, but I have to give him his first demerit for boycotting the U.N. conference on racism.



Of all things Obama could boycott, it would seem that racism would be near the bottom of the list. It's a bit ironic, to be truthful. However, the US government decided to back out because of the criticism of Israel. I don't condone anti-Semitism by any means, but let's be honest... Israel is being a bully. And if Hamas pushes back in any way, they're only met out by the bike rack after school with brass knuckles, a butterfly knife and the support of the school board. Establishing a Jewish state is not racist. Establishing a Jewish state by force and hurting others in the process is. Hamas is far from innocent, but you get the point.

To decide not to attend based on one or two issues is pretty disgusting. There are a lot more issues that need to be tackled in the developing world, Mr. President. I understand that some people will attend who are clearly whackjobs... *cough*Ahmadinejad*cough*... but does that mean we avoid the topic of racism completely? No.

Taxes and Somali Pirates

Doing your taxes 2 days before they are due is a really bad idea. Here's a short list as to why this is true:

1. The two and a half months of not doing your taxes will lead you to believe you're about to get a big return, when, in fact, you will only get pennies back from the government.
2. TaxAct.com will keep asking you if you have children and despite you clicking "Single," they believe you are lying or have adopted a child that maybe you've forgotten about.
3. Everyone and their mother is on TaxAct.com making the loading time between questions anywhere from 2 to 4 minutes. That loading time will make you believe that an important question is coming, but it will only be another question about your forgotten adopted child.
4. The IRS call line to retrieve your prior years' PIN is busy. Agent 02020389 doesn't want to help you anymore because you've waited too long.

So, it wasn't a terrible time, but it wasn't a walk in the park. All in all, they're done and I don't have to pay in this year. Cue the sigh of relief.

On a lighter note, those pirates got sk-doosh'd. 3 shots and 3 pirates down. I'm happy the sea captain who gave himself up to let his crew go free made it out alive. I can see this turning into a made-for-TV movie. I would call it, Somali Pirate Adventure: Hostage on the High Seas.

Cars and Splendid Things That Are Not Cars

I'm considering the purchase of a new car. I want something weird. Nothing like the stupid Pontiac Aztec though.

This is an obvious bad choice for a vehicle name, being that I've always associated the Aztec people with human sacrifice. Of course, they had their moments in arcitecture and spiritual beliefs, but when you kill to appease anything, you're doing something wrong.

Ok... moving right along. Here are my three choices for a new vehicle.

First up, the Nissan Cube. It's a bit like a mini delivery truck, but I've always liked Nissans and this one is weird enough to catch my eye. Haven't been able to test drive yet, but will soon. Aptly named, the Cube is something I'm definitely interested in driving. The rear hatch opens out. I'm confused by that, but I kind of like it. I assume it will prove futile in some parking lot situation. We shall see.

Next up is the Kia Soul. Now, I'll be honest. I don't trust Kia. It's a division of Hyundai and that's great, but when they first hit the market, they had terrible safety ratings. They've since fixed that problem, but I now wonder what they overlooked when focusing on the safety of vehicles. I drove this on Thursday in Minnetonka and got a good feel for it. Nice car. Nothing spectacular, but the hatch opens up instead of out like the Cube. That's a definite plus.

Finally, the Scion xD. This drives better than the Soul, to be sure, but my roommate just bought one and I even though I won't be living with her for much longer, I feel like if she drives one, I can't drive one. Great standard equipment on the xD makes it worth looking at, but the fact that it's a Toyota product means they can jack the price up and keep it there without too many complaints from consumers. It's in the running, but the weirdness factor on the Cube and Soul are slowly moving ahead. It's like the tortoise and the hare... except there are two tortoises and the hare is not as big a jerk as he is in the original tale.

So, weigh in, folks. What do you think?

And finally, go see Splendid Things on Monday night at the Bryant-Lake Bowl. They put on a weekly improv show that kills me. This week features special guests, The Mustache Rangers. It's gonna be killer boots. Go here.... now.

'til next time.

Why? (and Five Songs)

It's funny that it took me until high school to realize why I listen to music. It's not that I hadn't listened to music, in fact, I listened to a lot of music, but I didn't have that introspective moment where I asked "why?" until a high school friend, Greg Wachman, explained to me why he listened to Icelandic metal. It's not that it was the most beautiful music in the world... it was just that it elicited some emotion. He was steadfast in his reasoning and it made a huge impact. Here are five songs that make me extremely happy.

Gui Boratto - Beautiful Life (from the Chromophobia LP)
I downloaded this song by chance. And it was about a minute into the song when the electronic snare stops, the driving synth hushes and all is calm before the storm swells again that I realized I was just made happy by the music. Whatever thoughts were running through my head at the time were wiped away and this song took the driver's seat. A truly beautiful song.

Sigur Ros - Hoppipolla (from the Takk... LP)
I associate this song with Dublin, fair city. My roommate Aram lent me this recent purchase (at the time) and this song became the soundtrack of the best experience of my life. I remember it accompanying me on rainy morning walks to the Gaiety School of Acting and a sunny day on Inis Mor. This song will forever remind me of that trip.

Superdrag - Sucked Out (from the Regretfully Yours LP)
In respect to the current average life span, I'm young. A mere quarter century in existence. But, even though I'm aware of how lucky I am to be young and healthy, I know full well that life at 13 was awesome. I mowed lawns in the summer for cash and listened to so much music, it was ridiculous. This song was on constantly. Lovely.

The Postal Service - We Will Become Silhouettes (from the Give Up LP)
There's just something that I love about Ben Gibbard's voice and this upbeat electro-pop song about something as scary as what I assumed to be the devastation of nuclear war. The dichotomy kills me... in a good way.

The Go! Team - Get It Together (from the Thunder, Lightning, Strike LP)
Heavy melodica on this one. Distorted drums and cheerleader-type chants make this such a joy to listen to. Also, at the end of the track, a DJ breaks it down. I'm not sure why, but I also associate this with song with an improv project in which I took part and of which I have only fond memories.


'til next time.

Google News Fail and DisneyWorld

It was inevitable. I knew I would slow my blogging eventually, I just didn't know it would come to a screeching halt for almost two months. For that, I apologize.

Now... let's get started.

Please note the news stories that Google finds improtant this morning. Earthquake death toll: sad, but news. Dead soldiers returning: sad, but news. Freeze warning in Dallas: shut the f*ck up.

When I stepped outside this morning, it was 31 degrees and I wore my light spring jacket. Where's the human interest story about how I survived the "frigid" temperatures, Google? Where is it? I don't see it. You know why I don't see it, Google? Well, I'll tell you why.

It's not news.

I'm changing topics, so my blood doesn't boil. Epic fail, Google. Epic fail.

On a lighter note, I'm going to DisneyWorld! Yes, Pegatron and I are coming up on the ol' 1-year anniversary of meeting each other and the realization that life before knowing each other was not as cool. So, to celebrate, we have frequent-flyered our plane tickets and Hotwire.com'd our hotel rooms. We're set to travel and I couldn't be more excited. 2 days at Disney. 1 day at Universal. 2 days at Daytona Beach. Move over SuperBowl MVP's because it is my turn to yell, "I'm going to DisneyWorld!"

'til next time.

V-Day and Movies Movies Movies

I conquered three new movies this week. Well done, Tim. Well done.

The first I took in was part of my Valentine's Day festival with Pegatron. It was a lovely day that started with coffee and a heart-shaped box of chocolates and ended with a beer at Grumpy's near Downtown. Before partaking in a Valentine's Day Prix Fixe at Spill the Wine, Pegatron and I went to see the latest Hollywood sensation, Slumdog Millionaire. Of course you'll ask if it is as good as everyone says it is and I can say with a happy heart: yes. It was brilliant. All good movies come to an end, however, so Tuesday evening I found myself watching Appaloosa.

Not only did this western pale in comparison to Slumdog, but I found myself complaining about how slow the movie was... to myself. That's fucking pathetic. Also, I was horrified to find that a great cast of Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen and Jeremy Irons would soon be ruined by the appearance of, none other than, Renee Zellweger. Dammit! That bitch just won't quit.

Finally, this evening, I treated myself to the Apatow production of Pineapple Express. It was exactly what one would expect: dick jokes followed by apologies. Maybe if I smoked weed it would've been hilarious, but it was mediocre and didn't hold a candle to Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It wasn't all bad, however. I laughed aloud when Seth Rogen's character attempted to place part of his ear back on. Hideous, but delightfully charming.

And to back track a little, I should mention that my Valentine's outing was killer boots, to be sure. I'm head over heels for Pegatron. I wish everyone could be this happy.

'til next time.

I made this movie.

Weekly Thought Bubble Contest #4

Whoa! Sorry it took so long for me to update the "weekly" thought bubble contest. I usually update this at work, but now they've blocked the website I use to upload pictures and I've also actually been working at work. It's something I'm getting used to. Congratulations to Minnesota_Man for winning the last contest. I don't know your real name, so you'll have to let me know somehow so I can give/send you your prize, the mental_floss Instant Knowledge book!

Here's the latest Weekly Thought Bubble Contest:

Happy bubbling!

Friday the 13th and Boats

Happy Friday the 13th everyone!

Everytime we land on Friday the 13th, some horror movie is released in theatres to remind us how scary this world can be, offering sociopaths around the world ways to murder teenagers. I can honestly say that I don't suffer from paraskavedekatriaphobia, fear of Friday the 13th, but I do know that I suffer from fear of movies released on Friday the 13th, which doesn't have a long name, unfortunately.

Scary movies are stupid. I can honestly say I've enjoyed two scary movies in my entire life: Jaws and The Ring. I've seen many others, but I am so very close to urinating during each movie that I fail to see the joy. For instance, last year I went to The Strangers with a friend. I was waiting for it to end from the get-go. I would often wave my hand in front of my face to remind myself that this is just a movie and I am in complete control. There is no reason we should "enjoy" the murder of helpless victims. Worse yet was the fact that the movie was based on true events. So, millions of people are paying to watch a re-creation of some couples' horrific end. Why is that OK? It's not. You are a terrible person for enjoying horror movies.

I challenge everyone to buck up and watch movies other than scary ones on this Friday the 13th. And when we have another Friday the 13th in March and another in November of this year, please just pass up the scary movies and see the lastest 3D animated adventure.

And to get our mind off of the release of the remake of Friday the 13th with everyone's favorite hockey-masked asshole, Jason Voorhees, I've posted my new favorite music video:

I'm On A Boat