Thursday, September 25, 2008

A good start.

What a good weekend this will be.

Not only did I see an amazing concert by Sigur Rós at the Orpheum Theatre, but I left the theatre only to find out that the Twins upset the Chicago White Sox to sweep the series and move into first place in the AL Central. Yes!

Also, I get to go to Chicago with Pegatron this weekend. I've never been to the windy city before, so this should be an adventure. And you know what they say about adventures, right? I think it's something like, "adventures are the real deal." This is according to Google, if one were to search "adventures are." They are correct. Adventures are the real deal.

Also, mad props to my roommate for giving Pegatron and I a ride to the lightrail to get to the airport tomorrow. For that, I will bake her a cake. Or... just buy one from Lund's.

Twins: The Movie.

Last evening, it came to my attention that it would be rather easy to cast a movie that was based on the current line-up for the Minnesota Twins. I had a lot of fun doing this. Here you go:

Leonardo DiCaprio is Designated Hitter and Utility Player Jason Kubel












Stay with me on this one. We all know how dreamy Leo is, but if he put on a few pounds, he'd be perfect to play the pudgy, homerun-hitting Jason Kubel.

Matt Damon is First Baseman Justin Morneau












This was easier than any of the Twins. If Justin were smiling, the resemblance would be even more striking.

Damon Wayans is Second Baseman Alexi Casilla












Hahaha. You know I'm right.

Josh Hartnett is Catcher Joe Mauer












Minnesota native playing a Minnesota native. Perfect.

Jamie Foxx is Center Fielder Carlos Gomez












This may be a bit of a stretch, but I believe in the character-acting skills of Jamie Foxx.

Mykelti Williamson is Left Fielder Delmon Young








Best known for his role as "Bubba" in Forrest Gump, Mykelti is a fine choice for Delmon. The only issue that may arise is the age of Young, who is very young.

Alfonso Ribeiro is Right Fielder Denard Span












Who misses Carlton? I do. So, we're bringing him back to play his best role, Denard Span.

Carlos Mencia is relief pitcher Dennys Reyes










Too easy. Maybe if you were more talented, you'd be more well-liked. Which one am I talking to? The world may never know.

Young Robert DeNiro is Shortstop Nick Punto












Ok, so this may be cheating. But, I think it'd be great. Can you imagine the movie posters? DeNiro would obviously headline, but then people would see this Twins movie and realize DeNiro plays Punto, of all players. Haha.

Casey Affleck is Closing Pitcher Joe Nathan












I would also suggest Casey Affleck uses the same timid voice he used for Robert Ford in The Assassination of Jesse James.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Zombies and other signs of the apocalypse

There is an albino spider that has been living in my car for some time now. I remember seeing him at the end of June or early July and attempted to grind him into the floor, but his dance moves helped him escape my death stomp. He still lives somewhere in my car. I know this because I will enter my car after a day of little-to-no usage and will run into spider webs. I think he's playing a joke on me. It's never a full web, just a few strands to piss me off. However, the joke's on him... I've named this albino spider, Brother Ali.

Zombies are starting to take over again. Rehearsals for Survivors of the Undead Plague have been going very well. Troy, Damian and I are continuing the tradition after the "Exit Stage Left" of Hannah. It was a bit of a blow at first since we'd traditionally kept to our genders, but all rehearsals since the departure have been successful, making me sure creating new female characters won't be an issue. I'm extremely excited for these upcoming shows. In other zombie news, I've spent more than 3 hours in 1 work day playing a free online game called Boxhead. Please, do the same. It's worth it.

In fashion, my affinity for Puma attire is increasing exponentially. I'm not sure what it is about Puma, but they have a street cred that is unparalelled by other sports apparel. Puma: Unparalelled Apparel. I'm calling them right now to tell them their new ad campaign.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This is how we do it... baby.

In my last post, I mentioned Minneapolis taking over as the Minnesota State Capital. I, however, wrote that it would be the Capitol (please notice different spelling). How is it that 24 years of life has not taught me that using an "O" refers to the actual building and only the building. That's goddamn hootenany! I always thought the "O" was used when referring to a capital city or the capitol itself. However, I was wrong and I'm not happy about it. Here is a ridiculous sentence that shows just how ridiculous this ridiculous grammar issue is:

Steve lived in the capital, but not the capitol.

Fuck that noise. I'm happy English is my native tongue because if I had to learn it as a second language, I would've given up years ago.

In sports, my Fantasy Football team won for the first time this year. I'd like to thank Marion Barber of the Dallas Cowboys. And the Academy. Also, I'd like to thank Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers who returns to the game this week after a 2-game suspension for breaking a teammates nose. You were missed. I'm gonna need you to step up, Steve. No joke.

I went and saw 'Burn After Reading' with Pegatron last night at AMC Southdale. My bias will emerge here quickly as the Coen Brothers' last film, 'No Country For Old Men,' is my favorite film. I really liked this comedy. Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, George Clooney and Frances McDormand were all phenomenal at portraying generally bad people, with McDormand (and perhaps Pitt) being the only exceptions. Additionally, I've found that I am really captivated whenever J.K. Simmons is on screen. I'll call it "stage presence." Anyhoo, I recommend the film if you like the Coen Brothers. If you don't like the Coen Brothers' previous work, you may not find this film as enjoyable as I did.

I found this website, too. Need a Knife/Spoon/Fork (Sporkife?) combo? How about a desktop cat bed? Dying to get a home earthquake seismograph? Look no further. Yay!

Monday, September 15, 2008

35W and the eMusic Giveaway!

I will start today's entry with a paragraph from the Minneapolis Star Tribune referring to the opening of the 35W bridge on Thursday.

The new bridge could see more cars, fewer cars or the same amount, Levinson said. "That, I think, will be an interesting thing to watch."

Thank you for your insight, Mr. Levinson.

By the by, I was thinking about where I was the day the bridge collapsed and I remember that I had just arrived at ComedySportz. The artistic director, Doug, told me the 35W bridge fell. I giggled because I was at ComedySportz and that's a pretty ridiculous claim. Well, as it turned out, he was telling the truth much to my chagrin. I left for New York the next morning and it was strange to see Minnesota all over the news in the Big Apple. Everyone who checked my ID in New York asked about the bridge. They knew it was a big deal, but they had no idea where the bridge was in relation to Minneapolis or St. Paul. Most people thought it was the only bridge between our twin cities. And if it hadn't been so soon after the event, I probably would've told them that it was the only link and now St. Paul has to give up their rights as State Capitol. Why? Because that's funny.

In entertainment news, I was fortunate enough to receive an e-mail from eMusic.com inviting me back to their website with an amazing 75 free downloads. Jigga wha? 75? So, I'm going to pay you $11 a month for 30 downloads (fair pricing) and just for doing that, you're going to give me an extra $25 worth of music. Awesome... but how do you stay afloat? I've already downloaded Rodrigo y Gabriela and Calexico. I'm considering picking up the entire Mitch Hedberg collection. Any suggestions?


Monday, September 8, 2008

Hookah, anyone?

I had the opportunity to have a smoke with some friends of mine at Jafa Grill and Hookah Bar on Central Ave this weekend. The flavor of Sex on the Beach tobacco is not the most pleasurable, but I felt like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. And because alcohol is not halal, we just drank an apple malt beverage with no intoxicating agents. It was great to just go out and be social without drinking. It's unfortunately a rare occurance nowadays. Having more Muslim friends would make me a much healthier person.


Peggy and I have started a quote book of sorts entitled "Nocturnal Confessions." It is made up entirely of the things I say in my sleep. Once we've compiled enough, I'll start posting them. Here is the logo I've created for "Nocturnal Confessions."

I think that is a fine logo.

I've acquired 3 new Puma items. It was a good weekend.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Cobblestones and Coffeepots.

Random Thoughts

  • There is something about Chipotle that elicits great stories.
  • One of my favorite things to draw is a dinosaur (brontasaurus).
  • I cannot play first-person shooter games as I get motion sickness.
  • It's hard for me to believe I get paid as much as I do to do what I do.
  • Lime Helmet!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Governor of Alaxsxaq and Pitiful Protesters

I don't mean for my first blog entry to be political, so please don't assume this is my only goal. I'll be sure to mention something later in the post that will seem harmless and unrelated to the politics game.

That being said, I dislike Sarah Palin. I appreciate that she resembles Tina Fey, Lisa Loeb, Marsha Brady and the drummer from the Kings of Leon, but when your political experience is limited to Mayor of BumFuckNowhere, I cannot even pretend to think you're qualified to be next in line to who could be our oldest president ever by a cool 3 years. You're probably saying to yourself, "Self, shouldn't you trust a person who's served as Governor of our 49th State?" No. You shouldn't. Alaska, as a state, has fewer residents than the city of Memphis, TN and she's only been in office for a little under 2 years. You're a pretty face Palin, but your shit's weak.

Politics! Yes, Minneapolis/St. Paul are hosting the Republican National Convention. We drove by First Lady Laura Bush's motorcade on the way to a show in Decorah, Iowa and that, so far has been my only run-in with the convention. It bothers me that we had to get the RNC instead of the DNC. It would've been glorious to have Biden and Barack. Instead, we have to deal with the protesters.

ATTENTION PROTESTERS: You can be ignored because politicians know that once your protest is peacefully held, you go home. Media has learned how to dismiss you. Police know how to contain you. American politics are immune to the individual. And though you've amassed a group of five-, ten-, fifteen thousand, the majority of you are part-time activists who only plan on this one protest and then casting a ballot on Tuesday, November 4. The power of protest has diminished since the 1960's. You're still using the same tactics 40 years later. You are no longer a threat. You are merely an annoyance.

Ok... I'm done with politics for this go around.

On a lighter note, I'm starting bagpipe lessons next week! I've had a chanter (the bagpipe sans bag and drones) for a few years now and was going to teach myself, but I've never been one to do that successfully, the one exception being Irish Rhetoric.

A quote: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. -Willy Wonka