No pudding. Eat your beef.

Tim's Best of 2010 Magic Music Mix

2011-01-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

It's that time again. Time to release my opinion to the world. Here are my favorite tracks from the previous year. Now, I'm not exactly sure if all 22 songs will fit on a single disc, but I don't want to remove any songs, so here we go.

1. Excuses by The Morning Benders

First heard this track when a friend from college mailed me a mix of his recent favorites earlier in 2010. A lovely tune that will, no doubt, open the mix.

2. A More Perfect Union by Titus Andronicus

This disc was recommended to me by fellow UMM graduate and KUMM DJ, now Current DJ, Mac Wilson. The opening track is epic, but was reviewed as overly ambitious and a bit sloppy by a lot of music review sites, however I really gravitated to this track. If you're looking for a Civil War concept album, check out "The Monitor."

3. Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons

Overplayed the most, second only to Vampire Weekend (thanks, Honda!), in 2010, Mumford & Sons put together an amazing list of tracks that ended up really making this year one in which I found myself slowly retreating to music that my parents might also like, minus the swear. Plug a banjo in a song and it'll probably make me happy.

4. Wait So Long by Trampled By Turtles

More banjo. And lots of it. Trampled by Turtles is one of those Minnesota bands to which I hadn't paid attention until 2010. I always assumed they were a jam band not unlike Umphrey's McGee or Phish, but I was wrong. I was judging Trampled By Turtles by the company they keep at hippie music festivals. Sorry guys. Nice work.

5. Father's Son by Fistful of Mercy

Don't be fooled by their Christian-rock-band-sounding name, Fistful of Mercy killed it on the 3rd episode of Conan. That's where I first heard this song. More twang for the mix, only proving my hypothesis that listening to country on the radio during every car ride as a kid would eventually make me listen to country (or some derivative thereof) as I got older. The rest of the disc isn't glorious, but no worries, this song delivers.

6. I Hope You Die by Wye Oak

Pretty sure this track was also featured on the mix created by my college friend, Adam Kollasch, but not positive. Both the Maryland State tree and a band from Maryland, Wye Oak puts together a nice little ditty here for us all. Also, hearing this temptress' voice belt out 'I hope you die' makes me happier than it should.

7. I Need A Dollar by Aloe Blacc

Recession music! Soulful and simple. You'll be tapping your foot to the beat by the end of it. If not, check your pulse.

8. Sampleame by The Pinker Tones

I have no idea what they're saying, but it sure is fun. Pop music from Spain. Not sure why I like this song so much. If it weren't in Spanish, I would probably pass over it, but it is in Spanish, so... I didn't. Just a catchy tune.

9. The Cave - Mumford & Sons

More banjo. I know. You're unimpressed with my ability to resist folk music in 2010. Shut up. You know you wanted to go to one of their two appearances in the Twin Cities this year. You're so judgmental. Maybe that should be your resolution for 2011. Don't be so judgmental. Also, CONGRATS to Mumford & Sons for being the first band to deliver two songs to my Magic Music Mix in one year.

10. End Times by Eels

The saddest song of 2010. A song about divorce. A weird pick for a year in which I got engaged to the loveliest of lovelies, but sometimes you don't have to relate to a song to enjoy it immensely. That's the case with 'End Times.'

11. Groove Me by Maximum Balloon

2 things. 1) Awesome band name. It's one of those names that my best friend Kyle would think of and I would shoot it down immediately for it's idiocy. But, have some Brooklyn cat name their solo project Maximum Balloon and I swoon. Swoon. Balloon. Another band name that my friend Kyle thought of that I refuse to like: Wicker Basket 2) With TV on the Radio on hiatus for a year, Maximum Balloon filled in where I needed them to for my Sitek/Adebimpe fix.

12. All Of The Lights by Kanye West (feat. Rihanna and a shitload of other people, I guess)

Blah. Blah. Blah. We all hate Kanye. Blah. Blah. Blah. He's brilliant. Blah. Blah. Blah. Best hiphop album of 2010. Blah. Blah. Blah. I got goosebumps when the the :27 second mark hits. Blah. Blah. Blah.

13. Fuck You by Cee Lo Green

If this isn't on your Best of 2010 list, you're a fucking liar. Fuck you.

14. Animal by Prof

This dude should be on Rhymesayers. Open up that record label to party rap. Vulgar? Yeah. That might be his only setback. This was my summer jam.

15. The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel

A cover song graces the mix. And it is with grace that this song is delivered by none other than Peter Gabriel. This is one of those songs that could very possibly be the song I first dance to with my new wife in September. The book of love is long and boring, but this song isn't. Check out the other phenomenal track from this disc, "Flume." A Bon Iver cover.

16. Cameras by Matt & Kim

This one bangs. I love it more than you know. Matt & Kim return after having a track on the 2009 Magic Music Mix. Catchy indie pop music. I also love the titular line... No times for cameras/We'll use our eyes instead... Good words to live by.

17. Bloodbuzz Ohio by The National

On almost everyone's list this year, The National put great song together with "Bloodbuzz Ohio." I tend to sing in a lower key than most, so I also appreciate a song with which I can sing along and not strain my voice to match the lead singer's. I imagined this song being about an immortal vampire born in Ohio with financial troubles. Try listening to it with that in mind. Totally works.

18. Audience - Cold War Kids

Heard this one late in 2010 on local radio and really liked it. I tried not to like it because I saw a tweet from someone that was snarky toward the track, but then I realized that I don't care. You're allowed to disagree with me, but I like this song a ton and won't be swayed.

19. The Best Day - Atmosphere

Another latecomer to the mix, I heard this one on New Year's Eve, so it counts. Upbeat doesn't even begin to describe this song. Picking a local hiphop superstar may be a safe choice, but this has the same feel as 'Sunshine,' released back in 2007. An extremely happy song every 3 years seems acceptable.

20. Ambling Alp by Yeasayer

The strangest music video of 2010 and another track on the Magic Music Mix. I can't help but think this song would've been a Top 40 hit in the 80's.

21. Swim Until You Can't See Land by Frightened Rabbit

Along the same lines as the track "Aeon" from last year's mix, this song caught my attention because of the new sound the lead singer delivered. He's definitely Scottish. I can't help wanting to share this song with you because of that crazy Scottish voice. A fairly normal and good song otherwise.

22. Radio-Inactive by Blueprint

He says it best in the song: "Rhyme for five minutes straight with no breaks, no hooks, no punchlines, no similes, so I'm easy to overlook." Yep. It's most like 4 minutes and 7 seconds, but you could round up.

That's it. My picks for 2010.

If you'd like a disc, let me know. It'll be a while before I can put them together, but I wanted to release the list today.

And if I don't talk to you before you get a disc... ENJOY.

Signs of the Apocalypse... or not.

2010-01-27T07:54:00.000-08:00

I think of myself as someone who is technically inclined. Microsoft Office is a cinch. I can navigate through photoshop with relative ease. I even know what those little dials do on the top of sound boards/mixers and how microphones work. But, I had a brief Oh-My-God-I'm-Getting-Old moment when I realized that I have no idea how an RSS feed works. It's been around a while now and I should, at the very least, have some clue as to it's uses and related programs. But no.

Have the relative ease of Facebook, Twitter and all Apple products taken away the need to be technically proficient?

I know some may think this is ridiculous, but this brief lapse in clarity and confidence will no doubt lead me to start reading ludicrous amounts of articles online about various things that I don't really need to know about to avoid any future old-timey debacles.

The Walking Dead!

2010-01-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

I am very happy today. This is why...

Robert Kirkman's acclaimed comic The Walking Dead had a chance of being adapted into a television series by none other than the incredible Frank Darabont (The Mist, Shawshank Redemption, etc, etc.), but negotiations were still underway in August. No longer, however- Variety is now reporting that AMC has greenlit the project!
Not only did Darabont write the show but he's on board to direct the pilot. What did we do to deserve this goodness? He will execute produce the show along with Gale Anne Hurd of Valhalla Motion Pictures and David Alpert of Circle of Confusion.
Working with people like Frank Darabont and Gale Anne Hurd is the right way in for us to deliver a project of distinction in this genre," AMC president Charlie Collier said.
You're damn right it is!
The Walking Dead is a series that started off pretty fantastically but then got bogged down by the fifth or sixth trade and never fully recovered. In its its beginnings however it told some of the best zombie-related stories you could find. Following a former cop as he struggles to reunite with his family and keep a small band of survivors safe, this could make for some truly compelling television. It's still amazing to think that one day soon we'll be able to sit down once a week and see something new from Darabont.
AMC has also approved a show called The Killing, which is based on a Danish TV series (Forbrydelsen). It's a crime drama about a female investigator who "cares more for the dead than the living". AMC is sure set to get darker soon...
From CHUD.com

Tim's Best of 2009 Magic Music Mix

2010-01-12T11:03:00.001-08:00

Well, what better way to ring the blog into the New Year with my favorite songs of 2009. Sure, it's a little heavy in Minnesota hip hop and has it's fair share of songs that everyone else liked this year, but I don't think that should be deterrent. Sometimes those songs are popular for a reason. The reason being that they're just really good songs. Every year I read that "[Insert Year Here] was a terrible year in music." This is rarely true. I had a playlist of almost 40 songs that I thought were worthy of the mix, but narrowed it down to 20. That's a lot of music for a mix CD, I know. But, why not cram as much awesome onto one CD as possible. Without any further ado, here is Tim's Best of 2009 Magic Music Mix.

1. "11th Dimension" - Julian Casablancas

2. "1901" - Phoenix

3. "Sleepyhead" - Passion Pit

4. "Fresh Air" - Brother Ali

5. "Tema do Canibal" - BK-One

6. "Warm Heart of Africa" - The Very Best

7. "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" - Cage The Elephant

8. "Daylight" - Matt and Kim

9. "Percussion Gun" - White Rabbits

10. "Smile" - Eyedea & Abilities

11. "Zero" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

12. "Purexed" - P.O.S.

13. "Animal" - Miike Snow

14. "Dominoes" - The Big Pink

15. "All In" - Grouch & Eligh (Ft. Gift Of Gab and Pigeon John)

16. "Raindrops" - Basement Jaxx

17. "Stillness is the Move" - Dirty Projectors

18. "40 Day Dream" - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

19. "Laughing With" - Regina Spektor

20. "Aeon" - Antony & the Johnsons

CDs available upon request. BAM! Hello, 2010.

Survivors and the Zombies They've Survived

2009-09-15T08:04:00.001-07:00

Please check out the new Survivors of the Undead Plague website. The new audio clip is tops.

October brings another round of head-smashing, zombie improv as Damian, Troy and myself join Creature Feature at the Brave New Workshop in Uptown, MPLS in a double-bill of epically scary proportions. Check it.

It's gonna get ugly... in an awesome way.

I Cannot Escape Renee Zellweger. She Is Everywhere.

2009-08-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

I cannot escape Renee Zellweger. Today alone, I came across two more things on which she is peeing. I mean... I'll give her props for Bridget Jones' Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason as she is cast well as a funny looking woman, but everything else? Blech!

I've also realized the first time I didn't like her in a movie. It was Me, Myself and Irene. I really enjoyed that movie... except her.

Here is a horror movie she is doing. At least she is frightened in this movie. That brings me great joy.
http://www.filmshaft.com/thrilling-trailer-for-case-39/

This will be the last entry on Renee Zellweger. Though I thoroughly dislike her, I try not to be mean-spirited. I think I've reached the point where I say to myself, "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all."

But, if she ends up in a movie that I'm genuinely excited about, I will be forced to complain again. If she touches any zombie-related films, I will eat her brains.

Renee Zellweger Sucks and District 9 Does Not

2009-08-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

You've probably heard the buzz about the new sci-fi thriller District 9. You've heard that it is a social commentary on apartheid, aptly set in Johannesburg, South Africa. You've heard that they didn't spend hundreds of millions of dollars like most summer blockbusters. You've heard it's good. Right? Did you hear that it's good? Beacuse it is good. I usually wouldn't blog about a movie I saw unless it really struck a chord and this one does. So did New In Town. But, New in Town struck the wrong chord and I fucking hate Renee Zellweger.

But, I digress. District 9 started well and ended well. The special effects were top notch and I found myself invested in the characters very early on. There have been a rash of great movies this summer and more are set to be released soon (i.e. Inglorious Basterds), but I certainly recommend District 9 for everyone. There is a bit of gore, but it certainly doesn't overshadow the story.

Tonight: Donny Dirk's Zombie Den.

A Zombie Den? Yes, please.

2009-08-17T08:02:00.000-07:00

Most people know I love everything zombie. With that being said, I am excited to share my knowledge of a new bar in Minneapolis that is zombie-themed. It is Donny Dirk's Zombie Den. Now, you might be hesitant to visit just such a place because of the threat zombies pose, however, do not let this deter you. The zombie apocalypse has yet to arrive, so in the mean time, enjoy this fancy new bar in North Minneapolis (NoMi).

With bartenders decked out in "Shaun of the Dead" threads and waitresses wearing long black gowns, I am giddy with excitement. As I am sure there are themed drinks and kitsch, I will surely post again to tell of my travels to this undead pub from the same lass who brought you Psycho Suzi's in NordEast. Who's going with me?

I Can Haz Cheezburger, Morty?

2009-08-14T06:37:00.001-07:00

Every great once in a while you find a real gem on the internet. My friend and fellow improvisor, Jill Bernard, got me a little hooked I Can Has Cheezburger, or LOLCats, and I've come across several awesome ones, but nothing compares to this:

This could be the oldest LOLCat ever. It is a captioned cat photo from 1905.

I love the internet.

Playlists and Fountains of Wayne

2009-05-20T07:25:00.001-07:00

As I wade through the list of things to do today at work, I am comforted only by a new playlist I've made for Clifford. I wanted to remind myself how easy life used to be. What better way to do so than create a playlist of songs I remember from middle school. Here's the list:

Superdrag - "Sucked Out"
Cornershop - "Brimful of Asha"
Bush - "Swallowed"
Silverchair - "Tomorrow"
Toadies - "Possum Kingdom"
Filter - "Hey Man, Nice Shot"
System of a Down - "Spiders"
Candlebox - "Far Behind"
Orgy - "Blue Monday"
Monster Magnet - "Space Lord"
Radiohead - "High and Dry"
Butthole Surfers - "Pepper"
Stabbing Westward - "Save Yourself"
Local H - "Bound for the Floor"
Alice in Chains - "Rooster"
Soundgarden - "Burden In My Hand"
Smashing Pumpkins - "Bullet with Butterfly Wings"
Nine Inch Nails - "The Perfect Drug"
Pearl Jam - "Evenflow"
Rage Against the Machine - "Bulls on Parade"
The Deftones - "Change (in the House of Flies)"

All in all, I'm pretty pleased with the list. Of course, there could be additions. If there are any songs that remind you of this era gone by, let me know. One that I've left off was the first song I ever heard by Fountains of Wayne, "Radiation Vibe." I love that Fountains of Wayne won the best new artist award at the MTV music awards in 2003, 7 years after they released their first album with "Radiation Vibe." Oh, MTV. You've single-handedly helped and ruined popular music. Well done.

The Big Red iPod and Deep Thoughts

2009-05-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'd like to welcome a new addition to the Hellendrung family: Clifford.

Clifford is my new iPod nano. I purchased him after my 2nd Generation iPod, named Tylop, passed away on Friday at work. The last song to play on Tylop was Glen Hansard's "Say It To Me Now" from the Once Soundtrack. Interestingly enough, as if my iPod were some strange form of Bumblebee from Transformers, only able to speak through song, the final words echoed, "so if you have something to say... say it to me now." I didn't even realize that my iPod was so emotionally attached.

But, death offers the promise of new life. And I now have a lovely little guy named Clifford. Named after the big red dog of the same name. Something inside of me hoped that the first song that played would be something monumental, telling of the start of something new and gorgeous. Sadly, the first song played was "Stronger" by Kanye West. I couldn't find a deeper meaning because I was dancing.

Racist Boycotts and the First Demerit

2009-04-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

There's no question that President Obama has changed the world. He's been progressive and outspoken and brilliant in so many ways, but I have to give him his first demerit for boycotting the U.N. conference on racism.

Of all things Obama could boycott, it would seem that racism would be near the bottom of the list. It's a bit ironic, to be truthful. However, the US government decided to back out because of the criticism of Israel. I don't condone anti-Semitism by any means, but let's be honest... Israel is being a bully. And if Hamas pushes back in any way, they're only met out by the bike rack after school with brass knuckles, a butterfly knife and the support of the school board. Establishing a Jewish state is not racist. Establishing a Jewish state by force and hurting others in the process is. Hamas is far from innocent, but you get the point.

To decide not to attend based on one or two issues is pretty disgusting. There are a lot more issues that need to be tackled in the developing world, Mr. President. I understand that some people will attend who are clearly whackjobs... *cough*Ahmadinejad*cough*... but does that mean we avoid the topic of racism completely? No.

Taxes and Somali Pirates

2009-04-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

Doing your taxes 2 days before they are due is a really bad idea. Here's a short list as to why this is true:

The two and a half months of not doing your taxes will lead you to believe you're about to get a big return, when, in fact, you will only get pennies back from the government.
TaxAct.com will keep asking you if you have children and despite you clicking "Single," they believe you are lying or have adopted a child that maybe you've forgotten about.
Everyone and their mother is on TaxAct.com making the loading time between questions anywhere from 2 to 4 minutes. That loading time will make you believe that an important question is coming, but it will only be another question about your forgotten adopted child.
The IRS call line to retrieve your prior years' PIN is busy. Agent 02020389 doesn't want to help you anymore because you've waited too long.

So, it wasn't a terrible time, but it wasn't a walk in the park. All in all, they're done and I don't have to pay in this year. Cue the sigh of relief.

On a lighter note, those pirates got sk-doosh'd. 3 shots and 3 pirates down. I'm happy the sea captain who gave himself up to let his crew go free made it out alive. I can see this turning into a made-for-TV movie. I would call it, Somali Pirate Adventure: Hostage on the High Seas.

Cars and Splendid Things That Are Not Cars

2009-04-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

I'm considering the purchase of a new car. I want something weird. Nothing like the stupid Pontiac Aztec though.

This is an obvious bad choice for a vehicle name, being that I've always associated the Aztec people with human sacrifice. Of course, they had their moments in arcitecture and spiritual beliefs, but when you kill to appease anything, you're doing something wrong.

Ok... moving right along. Here are my three choices for a new vehicle.

First up, the Nissan Cube. It's a bit like a mini delivery truck, but I've always liked Nissans and this one is weird enough to catch my eye. Haven't been able to test drive yet, but will soon. Aptly named, the Cube is something I'm definitely interested in driving. The rear hatch opens out. I'm confused by that, but I kind of like it. I assume it will prove futile in some parking lot situation. We shall see.

Next up is the Kia Soul. Now, I'll be honest. I don't trust Kia. It's a division of Hyundai and that's great, but when they first hit the market, they had terrible safety ratings. They've since fixed that problem, but I now wonder what they overlooked when focusing on the safety of vehicles. I drove this on Thursday in Minnetonka and got a good feel for it. Nice car. Nothing spectacular, but the hatch opens up instead of out like the Cube. That's a definite plus.

Finally, the Scion xD. This drives better than the Soul, to be sure, but my roommate just bought one and I even though I won't be living with her for much longer, I feel like if she drives one, I can't drive one. Great standard equipment on the xD makes it worth looking at, but the fact that it's a Toyota product means they can jack the price up and keep it there without too many complaints from consumers. It's in the running, but the weirdness factor on the Cube and Soul are slowly moving ahead. It's like the tortoise and the hare... except there are two tortoises and the hare is not as big a jerk as he is in the original tale.

So, weigh in, folks. What do you think?

And finally, go see Splendid Things on Monday night at the Bryant-Lake Bowl. They put on a weekly improv show that kills me. This week features special guests, The Mustache Rangers. It's gonna be killer boots. Go here.... now.

'til next time.

Why? (and Five Songs)

2009-04-07T08:13:00.000-07:00

It's funny that it took me until high school to realize why I listen to music. It's not that I hadn't listened to music, in fact, I listened to a lot of music, but I didn't have that introspective moment where I asked "why?" until a high school friend, Greg Wachman, explained to me why he listened to Icelandic metal. It's not that it was the most beautiful music in the world... it was just that it elicited some emotion. He was steadfast in his reasoning and it made a huge impact. Here are five songs that make me extremely happy.

Gui Boratto - Beautiful Life (from the Chromophobia LP)
I downloaded this song by chance. And it was about a minute into the song when the electronic snare stops, the driving synth hushes and all is calm before the storm swells again that I realized I was just made happy by the music. Whatever thoughts were running through my head at the time were wiped away and this song took the driver's seat. A truly beautiful song.

Sigur Ros - Hoppipolla (from the Takk... LP)
I associate this song with Dublin, fair city. My roommate Aram lent me this recent purchase (at the time) and this song became the soundtrack of the best experience of my life. I remember it accompanying me on rainy morning walks to the Gaiety School of Acting and a sunny day on Inis Mor. This song will forever remind me of that trip.

Superdrag - Sucked Out (from the Regretfully Yours LP)
In respect to the current average life span, I'm young. A mere quarter century in existence. But, even though I'm aware of how lucky I am to be young and healthy, I know full well that life at 13 was awesome. I mowed lawns in the summer for cash and listened to so much music, it was ridiculous. This song was on constantly. Lovely.

The Postal Service - We Will Become Silhouettes (from the Give Up LP)
There's just something that I love about Ben Gibbard's voice and this upbeat electro-pop song about something as scary as what I assumed to be the devastation of nuclear war. The dichotomy kills me... in a good way.

The Go! Team - Get It Together (from the Thunder, Lightning, Strike LP)
Heavy melodica on this one. Distorted drums and cheerleader-type chants make this such a joy to listen to. Also, at the end of the track, a DJ breaks it down. I'm not sure why, but I also associate this with song with an improv project in which I took part and of which I have only fond memories.

'til next time.

Google News Fail and DisneyWorld

2009-04-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

It was inevitable. I knew I would slow my blogging eventually, I just didn't know it would come to a screeching halt for almost two months. For that, I apologize.

Now... let's get started.

Please note the news stories that Google finds improtant this morning. Earthquake death toll: sad, but news. Dead soldiers returning: sad, but news. Freeze warning in Dallas: shut the f*ck up.

When I stepped outside this morning, it was 31 degrees and I wore my light spring jacket. Where's the human interest story about how I survived the "frigid" temperatures, Google? Where is it? I don't see it. You know why I don't see it, Google? Well, I'll tell you why.

It's not news.

I'm changing topics, so my blood doesn't boil. Epic fail, Google. Epic fail.

On a lighter note, I'm going to DisneyWorld! Yes, Pegatron and I are coming up on the ol' 1-year anniversary of meeting each other and the realization that life before knowing each other was not as cool. So, to celebrate, we have frequent-flyered our plane tickets and Hotwire.com'd our hotel rooms. We're set to travel and I couldn't be more excited. 2 days at Disney. 1 day at Universal. 2 days at Daytona Beach. Move over SuperBowl MVP's because it is my turn to yell, "I'm going to DisneyWorld!"

'til next time.

V-Day and Movies Movies Movies

2009-02-17T20:33:00.000-08:00

I conquered three new movies this week. Well done, Tim. Well done.

The first I took in was part of my Valentine's Day festival with Pegatron. It was a lovely day that started with coffee and a heart-shaped box of chocolates and ended with a beer at Grumpy's near Downtown. Before partaking in a Valentine's Day Prix Fixe at Spill the Wine, Pegatron and I went to see the latest Hollywood sensation, Slumdog Millionaire. Of course you'll ask if it is as good as everyone says it is and I can say with a happy heart: yes. It was brilliant. All good movies come to an end, however, so Tuesday evening I found myself watching Appaloosa.

Not only did this western pale in comparison to Slumdog, but I found myself complaining about how slow the movie was... to myself. That's fucking pathetic. Also, I was horrified to find that a great cast of Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen and Jeremy Irons would soon be ruined by the appearance of, none other than, Renee Zellweger. Dammit! That bitch just won't quit.

Finally, this evening, I treated myself to the Apatow production of Pineapple Express. It was exactly what one would expect: dick jokes followed by apologies. Maybe if I smoked weed it would've been hilarious, but it was mediocre and didn't hold a candle to Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It wasn't all bad, however. I laughed aloud when Seth Rogen's character attempted to place part of his ear back on. Hideous, but delightfully charming.

And to back track a little, I should mention that my Valentine's outing was killer boots, to be sure. I'm head over heels for Pegatron. I wish everyone could be this happy.

'til next time.

I made this movie.

2009-02-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

Weekly Thought Bubble Contest #4

2009-02-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

Whoa! Sorry it took so long for me to update the "weekly" thought bubble contest. I usually update this at work, but now they've blocked the website I use to upload pictures and I've also actually been working at work. It's something I'm getting used to. Congratulations to Minnesota_Man for winning the last contest. I don't know your real name, so you'll have to let me know somehow so I can give/send you your prize, the mental_floss Instant Knowledge book!

Here's the latest Weekly Thought Bubble Contest:

Happy bubbling!

Friday the 13th and Boats

2009-02-13T06:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday the 13th everyone!

Everytime we land on Friday the 13th, some horror movie is released in theatres to remind us how scary this world can be, offering sociopaths around the world ways to murder teenagers. I can honestly say that I don't suffer from paraskavedekatriaphobia, fear of Friday the 13th, but I do know that I suffer from fear of movies released on Friday the 13th, which doesn't have a long name, unfortunately.

Scary movies are stupid. I can honestly say I've enjoyed two scary movies in my entire life: Jaws and The Ring. I've seen many others, but I am so very close to urinating during each movie that I fail to see the joy. For instance, last year I went to The Strangers with a friend. I was waiting for it to end from the get-go. I would often wave my hand in front of my face to remind myself that this is just a movie and I am in complete control. There is no reason we should "enjoy" the murder of helpless victims. Worse yet was the fact that the movie was based on true events. So, millions of people are paying to watch a re-creation of some couples' horrific end. Why is that OK? It's not. You are a terrible person for enjoying horror movies.

I challenge everyone to buck up and watch movies other than scary ones on this Friday the 13th. And when we have another Friday the 13th in March and another in November of this year, please just pass up the scary movies and see the lastest 3D animated adventure.

And to get our mind off of the release of the remake of Friday the 13th with everyone's favorite hockey-masked asshole, Jason Voorhees, I've posted my new favorite music video:

I'm On A Boat

New in Town and Renee Zellweger's Face

2009-02-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

This may come as a bit of surprise, but I hate Renee Zellweger.

After three dirty martinis at a downtown Minneapolis establishment this past Friday, I blurted out to Pegatron that we should visit my parents. No less than 48 hours later, we were on the road to visit New Ulm. It was a nice surprise for my mom and my dad was more than happy to supply us with authentic Mexican fare to reward us for the long haul from Eastern to South Central Minnesota. The pollo was good, the conversation was light and soon we were off to see the first big budget movie set in our lovely rural hamlet, New in Town.

The story was bad, but even worse was the acting of Renee Zellweger. Zellweger fails at this unbelievably simplistic character. Also, to be honest, she's got a weird face and I don't want to look at it anymore. In addition, I couldn't understand how this corporate executive could lack common sense. My cubicle neighbor recently visited Thailand and didn't bring a coat. You know why? She has a fucking clue. Thailand is warm. Hell, it's downright hot. So, why bring a coat, right? Same goes for you, Renee Zellweger's character. You're going to live in Minnesota during the Winter months. Bring a coat. Don't be an ignoramus. Ms. Zellweger was imbecilic at best. I got my parents to go and see a movie for the first time since Toy Story and this is the shit you serve up? Fuck you, Zellweger.

Now, I know this movie was meant to be a comedy and people loved Fargo with it's ridiculous Northern Minnesota characters, but really? I've never felt more like a country bumpkin than I did leaving that theatre. Sure, we have the stereotypical, down-home buffoons in New Ulm and some of them end up at the 3M, Kraft or AMPI plants for employment. However, there are a similar amount of simpletons in the Twin Cities and everywhere else, in fact. Also, this movie was shot in some Canadian town, so the real city of New Ulm didn't even get props while they were being destroyed by Hollywood. Yeah, they mention a local landmark (the Glockenspiel) once at the beginning of the film while the women "scrap," but after that, it's all rural cliches and old-timey gags. Even JK Simmons couldn't save this one.

Rather than buying a ticket to this movie, just fill up the car with gas and visit New Ulm. I fear that if you see New in Town, you'll never, ever visit.

Staycations and TV Shows About Lying

2009-01-30T15:09:00.000-08:00

The weekend is upon us and I must say I am truly excited for this one. Ladies and gentlemen, I will be taking part in my first ever STAYcation! That's right, folks, Tim doesn't need extravagant locales to entertain him. He doesn't need floating bars or the famed piña colada under palm trees. He doesn't need Mickey or Minnie. No... Tim only needs a hotel in Downtown Minneapolis and a desire to stay there.

Pegatron and I are hitting up the downtown scene for the evening and it'll surely be a thrill. A person can really tell when they care for someone if they are willing (and excited) to be a part of a staycation. Wish us luck. We will be drinking fancy beer from my favorite beer store and hopefully watching anywhere from 20-30 minutes of The Weather Channel.

I will also be watching Pegatron's facial expressions and asking difficult questions to see if I can spot lying. Why, you ask? Well, I am hooked on the new TV show "Lie to Me" with Tim Roth. Mr. Roth is a major reason I enjoy the show, but certainly not the only reason. The show focuses on the intricacies of human reactions and how to use said intricacies to beat someone down in a criminal investigation! Glorious.

Weekly Thought Bubble Contest #3

2009-01-30T15:03:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to my friend Tim for winning the thought bubble contest last week. He'll be receiving Voltaire's Candide. Being that this is a weekly thought bubble contest, the prizes won't be extravagant... OR WILL THEY?

Here's the new picture!

Please leave a comment for this week's picture with the thought bubbles of players #41 and #51.

Happy bubbling!

Zombie Hacks

2009-01-29T07:27:00.000-08:00

So, as many of you know, I love all things zombie. I'm scared of most traditional monsters like vampires, werewolves and anything that crawls out of a well on TV and through the screen into your living room. However, zombies have never scared me. I was thrilled to read this article about a hacker who felt the need to warn of the zombie apocalypse.

Construction signs warn of zombies
Hackers change public safety message
Shannon Wolfson

AUSTIN (KXAN) - Austin drivers making their morning commute were in for a surprise when two road signs on a busy stretch of road were taken over by hackers. The signs near the intersection of Lamar and Martin Luther King boulevards usually warn drivers about upcoming construction, but Monday morning they warned of "zombies ahead."

"I thought it was pretty funny," said University of Texas sophomore Jane Shin, who saw the signs while driving down Lamar Bouelvard with friends Sunday night. "We wondered who did it."

The City of Austin does not own the signs, but they are responsible for the message. The contractor on the construction project owns the signs. A city spokesperson said the hacked messages were only up for a few hours, until the construction project manager saw them during his morning commute and immediately ordered them to be changed back.

"Even though this may seem amusing to a lot of people, this is really serious, and it is a crime," said Austin Public Works spokesperson Sara Hartley. "And you can be indicted for it, and we want to make sure our traffic on the raodways stays safe."

Hartley said though it was a locked sign, the padlock for it was cut. Signs such as these have a computer inside that is password-protected. "And so they had to break in and hack into the computer to do it, so they were pretty determined," said Hartley.

This crime is a class C misdemeanor in Texas, and Hartley said it endangers the public.

"The big problem is public safety," said Hartley. "Those signs are out there to help our traffic on the roadway to stay safe and to know what's coming up."

KXAN Austin News cameras caught many drivers slowing down to read the signs as they approached. Some read, "Zombies ahead! Run for your lives!"

Hartley said the city will discuss more secure safety measures with the manufacturer of the signs.

God bless you, hackers. Though you may make our roadways unsafe for a limited amount of time, you make the world a better place as a whole. Thank you.

Weekly Thought Bubble Contest #2

2009-01-22T11:27:00.001-08:00

You know the rules. You could win a prize by leaving thought bubbles for one or both of those in the picture.

A Letter to Sid Ganis and the Oscar Nominations

2009-01-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Sid Ganis - President of the Academy,

Your excitement for the Academy Award nominations this morning was contagious. If the Academy Awards are anything like the nomination ceremony, then we're all in for a real treat. I could barely contain myself because of the happiness and elation you exuded for your own awards. Thank you for a thrilling morning.

Sincerely,

Tim Hellendrung

If anyone says they're excited for the Academy Awards, they are either lying or have spent well over $200 on movies in the last 2 months. Most of the categories are pretty lackluster, to say the least. Though I am excited about a few of the nods. Here are my favorites. They are, by no means, Oscar predictions. They are just notable nominations in my humble eyes.

Actor in a Leading Role - Sean Penn - Milk

Has anyone ever been let down by Sean Penn? No. See Milk. It is amazing. Also, see Mystic River. And I Am Sam. And Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Actor in a Supporting Role - Robert Downey Jr. - Tropic Thunder

The movie was decent. It was exactly what I expected. But, RDJ was phenomenal. And three cheers for the Academy recognizing an actor in a comedy.

Documentary Feature - Man on Wire

An almost perfect film. It's a film that offers more talking points after the film than most I've watched recently. Also, there was no mention of the attacks on the World Trade Center. They didn't need to, so they didn't.

Makeup - Hellboy II: The Golden Army

How about some props for making Ron Perlman red with horns? Done.

Best Picture - The Dark Knight

Gotcha. It's not actually up for Best Picture and I'm glad it isn't. It's good, but not Best Picture sort of good.

Original Screenplay - In Bruges

I love that this was nominated for something. It deserves some praise, at least. I haven't seen a movie end with everything wrapped up so neatly in... oh... EVER.

Keep your eyes peeled for my Oscar prediction blog. It'll be great.

A New President and an Anecdote.

2009-01-21T13:24:00.001-08:00

Day 1 of life under President Barack Obama. I adore the fact that he can talk and make everything better. Reall, that's all our President is supposed to do. He's hired to sound good and calm the nerves of all Americans. So far, so good.

An anecdote:

I used to work with a fellow named George*. George was likable enough, but not very well-spoken or "worldly." Soon, everyone knew how inept George was and word got to the upper management that George spent most of the day outside clearing brush from the company's property than at his desk doing real work. George got fired. I feel bad for George because he's probably too stupid to ever do anything productive, apart from clearing brush.

*George is, in no way, a representation of George W. Bush... cough, cough.

Puerto Rico and a Lack of Blogs

2009-01-16T06:09:00.001-08:00

I've not blogged in the last week for 2 reasons:

1) I've been too busy at work
2) I was incredibly sad that not one person participated in the Inaugural Weekly Thought Bubble Contest. Did you know the prize was a Barack Obama action figure? Too late. He stays with me.

Enough complaining. Pass me the Piña Colada! That's right, folks. I'm heading to Puerto Rico! I'm not going anytime soon, but I'm very excited. We're talking Publisher's-Clearinghouse-winner-excited here. At some point, this fall, I'll be sitting with Pegatron at the Caribe Hilton Hotel or the Barrachina in old San Juan sipping on the offical beverage of Puerto Rico, the Piña Colada.

Here's a rough outline of my daily schedule in Puerto Rico:

9:30am - Wake up due to a cool, ocean breeze.
10:00am - Shower in warm Puerto Rican water.
10:08am - Arrive on beach, most likely right outside the hotel room.
11:08am - Turn.
12:00pm - Visit a local "kiosko" for the alcapurria.
12:02pm - Num num num num.
12:12pm - Borrow machete to open coconut.
12:18pm - Drink water from coconut.
12:35pm - Return to beach.
1:35pm - Turn.
2:30pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
3:00pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
3:30pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
4:00pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
4:30pm - Return to beach.
4:32pm - Swim.
5:00pm - Return to hotel.
5:10pm - Shower is warm Puerto Rican water.
6:00pm - Eat arroz con pollo or pollo fundido at local restaurant.
7:00pm - Quickly learn how to salsa dance.
7:18pm - Give up on salsa dancing.
7:19pm - Flail arms wildly to beat of salsa music.
7:21pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
7:35pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
7:55pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
8:15pm - Order Medalla Light from local watering hole.
8:18pm - Comment on how much I miss Raul Juliá and that Street Fighter wasn't that bad.
8:20pm - Try salsa dancing again.
9:30pm - Buy a round of Don Q Gran Añejo.
10:00pm - Return to beach.
11:00pm - Return to hotel.
12:00pm - Sleep.

There may be some other activities mixed in, but that would sum up a pretty wonderful day in Puerto Rico if I may say so.

Next step is buying the tickets. Oh, joy!

Powerball and Office Pools

2009-01-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

In order to increase my chances of winning the Powerball tomorrow, I have taken a large step and actually purchased a Powerball ticket. I've done a mini-office pool with some folks around me and after taking the cash option, will hopefully be taking in about $11,000,000 after taxes.

Some people believe that purchasing a lottery ticket is not worthwhile because people so rarely win. I'll remember those people when I'm diving into my giant pool of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck.

How My Nose Got This Way and Other True Life Adventures

2009-01-08T13:23:00.000-08:00

So, many moons ago, I was enjoying a weekend at a Boy Scout Religious Camporee. I was surrounded by friends and, of course, the Lord when one of us decided that after dinner we were all going to go outside and set up a mock WWF match. This made sense because God and professional wrestling had so many things in common. Ahem. Anyhoo, we got to it and soon I was crouched over and none other than Dan Brown - that sonuva bitch, Dan Brown - came over and kneed me in the face.

There was a crack and the blood from my nose flowed like the waters of the mighty Mississippi on it's long journey from Minnesota to Louisiana. Being that we were in the middle of a cornfield outside the town of Renville, we rushed as fast as we could to a local hospital. Well, "hospital" was stretching it as we had to wait a good 20 minutes for the doctor to arrive from his home. I almost bled out while that bastard finished his mashed potatoes.

After trying to stop the bleeding with different liquids, the doctor soon resorted to - what I assume is the final option - the Rhino Rocket. I've had some unpleasant experiences in my life, but this could crack the top five, easily. I think one must equate the Rhino Rocket to sticking a tampon into an open would and waiting for it to expand just enough to make everything uncomfortable. Or imagine the comic book villain Rhino is running full speed toward you and you happen to be a giant nose.

The beauty of the Rhino Rocket was that not only do you feel like you have a tampon in your nasal cavity, but they complete the experience with a string hanging from your nose. The next day I was told to remove the nose tampon and found I was still bleeding. A touch of outside air soon clotted the wound, but the damage had been done. Ever since, I haven't been able to breathe well without using my mouth. I'm now a mouth breather.

However, a product recently entered my life that allows me to sleep at night without waking up in the morning needing to soak my tongue in water to rehydrate the cat-like textured flesh. It is the wonderful and ridiculously simple BreatheRight Nasal Strip.

GLORIOUS! Even though Dan Brown destroyed the cartilage in my nose, you have come to me, unafraid, reducing the night-time mouth-breathing and overall throat sounds that accompany night-time mouth-breathing. Thank you, BreatheRight Nasal Strip, thank you.

The Inaugural Weekly Thought Bubble Contest!

2009-01-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

Starting this week, I will be posting a photo on Tuesdays that requires the addition of thought bubbles! So, feel free to add comments and every Monday, I'll pick my favorite and you'll win something. Hooray for prizes!

Resolutions and the Teaching Profession

2009-01-05T12:14:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2009, bitches.

New Year's Resolution: Clean my room.

Since I've never made a resolution before, I wanted to start off small. I quit smoking a week and a half before the new year began, so to say that would be my resolution is like saying my resolution is to wear boxers, something I started in, at least, 5th grade. I'm a little worried about the general organization of the things in my room, but I think I'll be ok. What a sense of accomplishment I'll feel when I complete that which I resolve to do.

On January 1st, I'm proud to say that I successfully wrote a check and did not forget to write 2009. Also, I find it a little easier to type 2009 because the zero is so close to the 9 on the keyboard. This is going to be a great year!

In major life news, I pretty much decided that I want to be a teacher. Granted, there are other things that I want to try my hand at before I croak, but for now I'll start to focus on how to make teaching happen. Not only do I want to inspire the next generation, but I also want to take away cell phones and have daily trivia challenges (to get your cell phone back). In the mean time, I will take cell phones from coworkers and ask ridiculously hard questions of my supervisors to prepare myself to the teaching profession.

'til next time.

Beer and a Happy New Year

2008-12-31T06:27:00.000-08:00

New Year's Eve! That means Christmas has come and gone for another year. The jolly holiday filled me with joy and Swedish meatballs and I'm happy to say, for the first time on Christmas, I received beer as a present. Beer is the perfect present. Here's why...

Beer allows you to drink and be merry, as we are often told to do by old timey advertisements.
Prices for beer are different at almost every liquor store, so you'll never know how much the gift-giver spent on you.
Beer can be a multi-ethnic experience. I received a sampler and the first beer I tried was Brazilian. I've never been to Brazil, but now MY MOUTH HAS! That's not all! The beer I drank was called Xingu Black Beer and by purchasing the lovely beverage, the gift-giver helped protect the Xingu River, a symbol of biological and cultural diversity, as the brewery gives to the Y Ikatu Xingu foundation.
It's beer. Num num num num.

Not only did I get beer, but I also got a gift card for more beer. Christmas gets better and better every year.

I would like to wish everyone a very Happy New Year! May all your resolutions work out. May all your hangovers tomorrow morning be short. May unicorns come back to life and may we never see the creation of the Bear Shark.

Chicago and the cast of Batman 3

2008-12-18T11:01:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, one of my favorite things in the whole world, Survivors of the Undead Plague, hit the road and visited the great land that is Chicago. Waking early last Friday morning was difficult, but I was promptly greeted by Troy with one of the greatest Christmas cards ever. If you love tarsiers and Christmas, you would've enjoyed the homemade card thoroughly. Hopefully I can make some Christmas cards by hand this year. There is nothing like homemade cards. Not only do I feel accomplished in the creation of said cards, but the receiver also feels just a wee bit more special.

Chicago was great. We arrived in the late afternoon and quickly situated ourselves. Pegatron and I stayed with a friend on the Southside, while Troy and Damian sought refuge at the home of Lisa, Tyler and Dave. Soon, I was on my way to the theatre with a backpack and duffelbag full of fake guns. I've never been so filled with fear about carrying those fake guns. They look real. Cops would assume they're real. I could've been killed! Anyhoo, I made it to the theatre and the set went well. It was fun to do Survivors with only Troy, Damian and I for the first time in front of an audience. We had previously done shows with Hannah K, Aric M and Mike F as a fourth, but never just the 3 of us. It was delightful.

Saturday was a bit of a slow day. After getting up a little later, I was on my way to an improv workshop with iO's Jet Eveleth. For the first time in my improv career since taking classes at ComedySportz, I felt like my views on improv were reinforced. I'd previously taken classes with several well-known, qualified, talented folks, but I never took anything away. I know this was a little more focused on the strengths and weaknesses of just Troy, Damian and I, as opposed to a group of 12-15 people. However, it really was the approach that made me feel so excited.

After that, it was back to the theatre for the Mustache Rangers and Butch and Jill. Both were spot-on for the show. The only unfortunate thing about the evening was an intoxicated man who had a bit of a problem with remaining still and keeping quiet. The show was over and it was time to imbibe. First, Pegatron and I purchased the most hideous holiday apparel one could imagine and made our way to Tin Lizzie for some ugly sweater party action. White people love ugly sweater parties. We drank the night away with a friend of Pegatron's from high school and ended up catching a cab to her place for the evening. The next day only brought the worst hangover I'd had in ages... not the best thing to have when getting ready to drive to Minnesota. All in all, the Chicago adventure was delightful.

In other news, since the UK tabloid/newspaper The Sun reported that Shia LaBeouf would be Robin, Eddie Murphy would be The Riddler and Rachel Weisz would be Catwoman, I decided to take the great villains remaining in the Batman series and cast them for film. That update should be coming soon.

(Comic) Strip Joints

2008-12-08T14:05:00.000-08:00

I'd like to invite all my favorites to read a great comic (new strip every Monday and Thursday) that I've enjoyed...

BlankIt

Aric McKeown is all up in this biz and I certainly recommend starting from the beginning as it is a continuous thread. And if you don't want continuous hilarity, feel free to visit this other strip I really enjoy...

Joe Loves Crappy Movies

Stuck at home due to the snow? Hanging out in a beautiful, warm locale and having nothing to do while drinking Coronas with lime? Enjoy those. More to come, I'm sure.

Employment and the Frailty of Humans

2008-12-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

"Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could." -Her Space Holiday, Something To Do With My Hands.

The above quote is currently the only thing running through my head. Many companies unintentionally give you the opportunity to sink or swim and the unfortunate thing is that I believe my current employer is one of them. My sense of humor can only keep me afloat so long. I just don't want to get fired. I've never been fired and never want to get fired. It's a life goal, I guess.

As I sit in my cubicle, I have realized that the song Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros is on my iPod twice. I like it that way. That song gives me hope. And we're talking Barack Obama-style hope. Hope that lives on in most of us. The hope that the wonderful world could be wonderfuller. Shakespeare would be proud of that word... wonderfuller.

Back update! Every once in a while, I like to update my readers as to the condition of my back. I've been taking pills for back pain that appeared the Saturday after Thanksgiving. The following Monday I confronted the bastard pain and visited urgent care for some advice. After the x-ray told me I didn't have bone cancer or a herniated disc, I was prescribed indomethacin (C19H16ClNO4... for you chemical fans) as the doctor believed I had some sort of inflamed back muscle. Weird. Anyway, they work. Trust me. Though, I must say, I tend to get very tired about 5 hours after taking one. I nodded off during a training session at work and was looking forward to a "stern talking to," but it never came. The trainer only joked about his great ability to keep people awake.

Also, Pegatron was in an accident last week. She's doing much better, but it was very scary. However, after hearing the entire story, I grew a great respect for all the people that helped along the way. Between the first responders, state patrol and all the medical staff, Pegatron had a very pleasant experience for such an unpleasant accident. As with most traffic accidents, it was the stupidity of others that led to a brief hospitalization for Pegatron. Perhaps the saddest thing to come of this entire accident is the fact that Peggy and I will no longer have matching cars. So long, dear Echo. You will be missed... but not your lack of safety features.

'til next time.

Things I've Heard, Vol. 1

2008-12-01T09:08:00.000-08:00

Since music is a fairly large part of my life, I decided to talk about a few of the new CDs and digital downloads I've enjoyed in the past few weeks.

The Mighty Underdogs - Droppin' Science Fiction - The latest of hip hop supergroups, this CD on Def Jux label has been a joy to listen to. With Gift of Gab from Blackalicious and Lateef the Truth Speaker from Latyrx (and their producer Headnodic), this trio fell together after Lateef got together with Headnodic to make a solo album and Gift of Gab decided to drop in to collaborate with Lateef. If you're a fan of Blackalicious or enjoy a good J5 track, you'll like this. Inventive beats and a some great cameos from MF Doom on "Gun Fight" and one of my favorite MCs, Lyrics Born, on "ILL Vacation," make for a fun record, through and through.

Sprengjuhöllin - Sprengjuhöllin - Dying for a little more Icelandic pop music in your life? Want to support the failing Icelandic economy? Well, either reason is a fine one to listen to Sprengjuhöllin. I have a severe soft spot for indie pop music and Sprengjuhöllin really delivers on the promise. Songs like Keyrum Yfir Ísland (rockin' out!) and Worry 'til Spring (ballad! gorgeous!) show just how much talent these guys have. If you want to be down with Iceland, this is definitely a disc or digital download you should consider.

TV on the Radio - Dear Science - Obviously my favorite band would make it to this list of recent favorites. I'm not one to push TV on the Radio onto others, because they just are not the type of band anyone would want to listen to. But, the fact is, Dear Science is the most accessible CD the troupe has put out and therefore, I'm not pushing it on others to give a listen. They really try to make this album more "fun" than the others, which unfortunately means less substance, but they've taken part in that race and now want to explore a new version of themselves. This is a dandy.

Marching Band - Spark Large - I don't think I've had a band stick around on my iTunes for very long without giving them a listen, however Marching Band is the exception and I made a terrible mistake for doing so. If you like The Shins, you'll probably dig Marching Band as well and if you wish The Magnetic Fields weren't so droopy, you'll enjoy the fresh Swedish pop of Marching Band. Do yourself a favor and at least check out the song, "Travel in Time."

The BPA - Toejam (feat. Dizzee Rascal & David Byrne) - Ok. You caught me. This is only one song. But, I love it. It makes me so happy. And the music video will make anyone happy, whether you like the song or not. Boom.

That should be enough music to keep you happy for a few hours. By all means, if you've heard something wonderful lately, let other people know. In particular, let me know. Happy listening!

iPods and the True Meaning of Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T06:47:00.000-08:00

One of life's simple pleasures is rediscovering things you own.

It has been about 2 1/2 to 3 years since I last used my iPod. It's clunky in comparison to today's "touch" models or the newest iPod nanos, but still works well. With it's relatively small screen and less-than-colorful display, it's not pleasing to the eye, but I've once again found the joy in having it. I generally enjoy listening to a CD or Minnesota Public Radio News in the car, so I never use the iPod. But, sitting next to the supervisor at work, who is inundated with people walking up to her and complaining/worrying/giggling/yelling, I found that I need something to keep me focused. Enter: iPod. I spent majority of Tuesday with earbuds in place and not only did I bust out a ton of work, but I also rediscovered a band I hadn't listened to in quite some time. What band, you ask? Cake. Yeah, WTF. How could I forget about Cake? So, after listening to the latest "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" from National Public Radio, I listened to every Cake album I have.

I wish I had an action figure at work that was covered in permanent ink. It seems as though people think they can just come to my desk and mess around with the things I've brought for decoration. I mean... yes... they technically are toys, but I have them to stand there and look ominous, not for someone to stop by, test the boundaries of it's plastic joints and saunter back to their desk. I'm obviously too "Minnesota nice" to say anything while they fondle my action figures, so I need something that will teach them a lesson. If only there were some toy out there that was constantly covered in a colored permanent liquid... a squid, perhaps.

I recently saw both the new 007 movie, Quantum of Solace, as well as the Disney Animation Studios film, Bolt. For the longest time, I've been a hater. I have avoided animated films at all costs since seeing, what-I-thought-was-a-train-wreck, Ice Age. I've folded and watched The Incredibles, but before that I hadn't enjoyed an animated film since Toy Story. So, seeing Bolt was dangerous. It could've perpetuated my current distaste of animated films (note: I don't dislike animation in general. It tends to only apply to feature-length films) or worse, I could've thrown up all over the place because of the bright colors. Well, the second was more probable because I saw Bolt in 3D. The movie was good. The 3D was better and though it totally messed with my head for about 10 minutes, I got used to it and it turned out to be quite amazing. On the recommendation of Butch Roy, I will continue to watch animated films, but only on the recommendation of others. So, in my animation queue sits Monsters, Inc. and WALL-E. And for those of you waiting to hear what I thought of the new Bond flick... I liked it. That is all.

Thanksgiving happens tomorrow. I agree with the idea of a harvest festival, to celebrate the planet that gives us life, but there's something terribly wrong with celebrating it as the peaceful gathering between American Indians and Pilgrims, gnawing on eel and maize on Plymouth Rock. If you have any doubt about how awful the white man has treated the Native population over the history of America, just read about the first Angl0-Powhatan War. Basically, when the colonists realized they didn't have enough food for the Winter, they just strong-armed Natives for their corn supply. Happy Thanksgiving, right!?!?! Anyway, enjoy the time you have with your family or the family of your significant other. Eat some potatoes. They're good for you.

'til next time.

Karate Kid and the Business Process

2008-11-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

I really enjoy a good sketch session. Today at work I drew a picture, set up in the All Valley Karate Championship arena where the final fight of Karate Kid took place. I've replaced Daniel LaRusso with a monkey and his nemesis with the foot of the Cloverfield monster. The ref has a similar mustache, but is now a Weeble people. He wobbles, but he doesn't fall down. So ridiculous, but so fun to draw.

It's all of life's little things, isn't it?

In other news, I've started reading Moore's The Watchmen again. I read it a very long time ago and remember nothing, so before the movie comes out, I want to have a good base on which to judge said film. I have a good feeling that the Nite Owl will be my favorite character after I'm done, but I have no basis for that, just a random thought.

The final installment of Hellendrung, Scott and Associates goes up at Improv-A-Go-Go this Sunday. It's been such a joy to play with Jen Scott, whom I've decided is the nicest person in the Twin Cities. It'll be a great show as this week's associate is Josh Eakright of the Brave New Workshop mainstage. 8pm. Sunday. $1.

I've never understood why communication in a workplace fails, but I've now realized that a small portion of its' failure has something to do with how our generation does not take e-mail messages as seriously as a phone call or snail mail. At work, we get long e-mails of changes in the "business process" and are expected to just learn all these changes. I'd say we get these at least once a month if not more often. Many people just skip over them, thus making it more difficult to know if you're doing anything right. I'm frustrated and in need of some beef jerkey.

A New Hope and a New Cube

2008-11-12T08:24:00.000-08:00

In the immortal words of the band Staind, "It's been awhile."

What a joy to be back on the ol' blog. A lot has happened in the last few weeks. At work, I've moved from the training facility to a cube. I can honestly say, I've never been happier to be in a cubicle. I do know, however, that very soon, I'll be regretting ever moving to a place in which I have to be in a cube. But, for now, I'm basking in the glory. So far, I've decorated my cube with a Hellboy action figure and a Mola Ram doll. I'm contemplating several pictures, motivational posters and a Star Wars ice planet Hoth action set. Or maybe I'll just have the two. Time will tell.

In politics, Barack Obama kicked some old guy's ass to become our next President. Though I was very excited for his win, the night of the election I was saddened that our Minnesota Senatorial race had not been decided. In fact, over a week later, we are still waiting for the recount. I really do hope that Al Franken can eek this one out. Also, Keith Ellison won. Hooray!

Words and phrases I will not miss:

maverick
Joe Sixpack
Joe the Plumber
pro-America
"Our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of."

If Sarah Palin was our Vice President-elect, I might've thought about moving.

So, I love trivia. There's no use hiding it. Whether it's running a game of trivia at work, playing trivia games online, pub trivia or watching your favorite television game show; I love trivia. As you grow older, you learn more and more through experience, but I urge others to force yourself to learn something new and have fun doing it. If you love your religion, read about other religions to give yourself a better foothold within your own faith. If you love football, read about the origin. If you love foreign cultures, learn a language. And if you're like me and love random information and the general quest for knowledge, soak up everything you can. I challenge everyone out there to pick one thing and learn all about it. I'll report on my choice soon.

My boss lent me a copy of the 1966 version of Batman. Yes, folks, we're talking Pow! Whap! Oof! Bam! Batman. Let me just read the back cover for you:

When Batman and Robin get a tip that Commodore Schmidlapp is in danger aboard his yacht, they launch a rescue mission. But the tip is a set-up by four of the most powerful villains ever, who seek to defeat the Dynamic Duo once and for all! Armed with a dehydrator that can turn humans to dust, the fearsome foursome intends to take over the world! Can the Caped Crusaders use their high-flying heroism and groovy gadgetry to declaw Catwoman, ice the Penguin, upstage the Joker, and stump the Riddler in time?

Awesome. So very awesome. I love alliteration.

Hawk-Eye and Peanut Butter Franken Time

2008-10-23T13:45:00.000-07:00

We, as human beings, take a lot for granted. I would never argue otherwise. There are things I'm thankful for, but few come close to the Hawk-Eye Officiating System.

Have you ever sat down to watch TV and found yourself watching one of four Grand Slam tournaments (Austrailian Open, French Open, Wimbledon, US Open)? This happens to me more often than one would think. I am a tennis fan, but I rarely know about the tournaments before catching them while channel surfing at home. Hawk-Eye is that computer system they use to allow players to dispute a judges call. It tracks the path of the ball and uses the principles of triangulation through four high speed video cameras around the court. In each frame sent from each camera, the system identifies the group of pixels which corresponds to the image of the ball. It then calculates for each frame the 3D position of the ball by comparing its position on at least 2 of the physically separate cameras at the same instant in time. A succession of frames builds up a record of the path along which the ball has traveled. Amazing, right? Right. Using the laws of physics, it can also predict the future path of a ball. Crazy!

In other, less random news, I finished my first audio project on GarageBand last night. I took a pre-existing song (Peanut Butter Jelly Time!) and simply recorded my voice saying a word ("Franken") over parts (the word "Jelly") to make it hilarious (Peanut Butter Franken Time!). It was a little treat for Pegatron and the Al Franken for Senate campaign for which she works. After playing it at the morning meeting, this was the conversation via text message between Pegatron and I:

Me: So, it went well?
Pegatron: Yes, we all peed ourselves.

After receiving that text, I realized that the idea of an entire political campaign staff peeing themselves simultaneously is much funnier than any song could ever be.

Until next time...

Google and the Molting of the Exoskeleton

2008-10-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

G'day mates.

Many would agree that Google is, perhaps, the largest and most powerful company that people really don't complain about. People knock McDonald's, Nike, Wal-Mart and many others for various reasons. I've realized that Google is generally untouchable because it never lets you down. The latest Google tool, created out of noticing search trends, is both easy to use and civic-minded. This tool allows you to type in your address and you'll immediately be told where you vote on November 4th. I had no idea where I was supposed to go before today. I assume this is the case for many 20-somethings who move on a yearly basis into the next best apartment or house. Thank you, Google.

Check out the website above (frighteningprospect.com) for free images to post around the city. This tends to be a more vicious way of getting out the vote, but whatever works. Right? It's also hilarious. I also found this quote about Palin from the New York Times' Frank Rich:

So what if she is preposterously unprepared to run the country in the midst of its greatest economic crisis in 70 years? She looks and sounds like a winner.

Another fun thing to do is to check out ecdysis. Perhaps when we were all younger, we found the abandoned exoskeleton (exuvia) of a bug and wonder what it looked like to molt. Well, I'll be damned if someone didn't capture the two-hour process and make it a little more enjoyable for the everyman with this 12-second time-lapse of the ecdysis. It's unbelievable to think that these creatures do all their growing in one or two hours after molting because their exoskeleton begins to harden.

Here's a question: Why do the 3 Musketeers wield swords? They're called musketeers. They should have muskets. A Google image search of 3 Musketeers gathers photos of men with swords and candy bars. Shouldn't they at least carry muskets, even if they only plan on using their blades? I'm bothered by this and unfortunately it's all the little things that kill. How true, Gavin Rossdale, how true.

Obama Supporters

2008-10-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yay! Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for President! It's reassuring that one of the most respected Republicans in America says that Barack is more capable of handling the economic crisis and that he'd much rather have Joe Biden in the on-deck circle than Sarah Palin. That's a no brainer. Also, saw Palin on SNL. I'll give her some credit... she sat there and smiled real nice while everyone made fun of her. That may improve her standing in some group of people, but it doesn't address the fact that she's incapable of handling the Vice Presidency.

In other news, I love Photoshop. It's probably my favorite computer program. Before Photoshop, it was Nibbles. Long before people were passing time with "Snake" or "Worm" on their mobile phones, I was playing Nibbles, published by Microsoft back in '91 for MS-DOS. But, back to Photoshop. I started making some different images based on the different "groups" for Obama like "Americans Abroad for Obama" and "Latinos for Obama" or "First Americans for Obama." Here are some of the results.

I have to say, I'm pretty impressed with how well these turned out. Of course, they could always be a little better, but they're solid, overall. Good times... good times. More blogging later.

Voting and My Favorite Sites

2008-10-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

Last week I attended a voter rights panel to watch Pegatron spread the good word. It was enthralling. I had no idea that people had problems voting. And now for a very special "Did You Know?" section of my blog.

Did you know that felons can vote? Yes, they can! As long as they are "off paper," meaning they are not currently in prison for a felony or on probation or parole. Otherwise, vote away! You've served your time and welcome back into society. But, still... you shouldn't have done the thing you did. Seriously. Felony? *slaps wrist*
Did you know that homeless people can vote? Yes, they can! Let's assume you live under that bridge, you can register and vote in the precinct where your bridge is. And, hey, vote Obama. John McCain only loves rich people.
Did you know that you can register at the poll? Yes, you can! Don't be fooled by the October 14th deadline to register. You need to bring ID, though (i.e. valid MN driver's license or ID card, student ID card, registration card or fee statement, tribal ID card) "But Tim, my driver's license is expired!" Never fear! Bring that expired license AND a recent utility bill and you're good to go.
Did you know you don't need an ID if you're registered? That's right, you don't! If the election judge asks for your ID and you're registered, tell them to buck up and read the rules. It's a crime to deceive someone about the qualifications for or restrictions on voter eligibility. Talk to your county auditor if this happens. Otherwise, you're good to go.
Did you know someone can challenge your right to vote? Yes, those bastards can! If they do, don't worry. First ask if they're from Minnesota. Outsiders can't take that right from you. After you've made sure they're from around here, ask the election judge to give an oath and test of residency. If you answer the questions correctly, you'll be allowed to vote.
Did you know that if you accidentally click on John McCain for President and Sarah Palin for Vice President you can exchange your ballot for a new one? Yes, you can! If you spoil a ballot, just tell the election judge. As long as you return it, you can receive another. That's a state statute.

I hope this has been thrilling. And if not, I hope it has, at the very least, been somewhat informative. Also, see Fred Beukema's blog for info on wearing political swag to the poll.

And to avoid going completely political, I'm going to list some websites I like to visit.

GraphJam! (Funny graphs.)
BlankIt! (Funny comic written by Aric McKeown of the Mustache Rangers.)
The Mustache Rangers! (Funny Podcast with Aric [see above] and Corey Anderson.)
Exploding Dog! (Stick figures, robots and dogs drawn from your sentences.)
Archie McPhee! (Stupid things you can buy, but wouldn't if you were fiscally responsible.)
Minnesota Trial Court Public Access! (Wanna see if your friends and relatives have been ticketed or put on trial? Just go to Judgements Search.)
Hulu! (Watch pretty much any TV show you've ever wanted to, for free.)
Minneapolis Improv Boards! (Talk about improv in Minneapolis. Or not.)

Good day to you, sir.

Failure and the Quantum Leap

2008-10-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

Day three of the "$20 a week" challenge. I've failed.

I went to the Bryn Mawr Market to get some poor-meal essentials (bread, jelly, peanut butter) and without checking the prices, as I assumed they were reasonable, brought the three items to the counter. Within seconds the items rang up and it came to $11. When the hell did peanut butter and jelly get so expensive? Needless to say, this little trip to the market ruined me for the week. I may attempt to live on $30 a week soon, but I need to pout about the price of peanut butter and jelly for a while.

This challenge has made me very aware of the money I spend, so for at least the next few weeks, I'm sure I'll be thrifty.

I woke up this morning at Pegatron's and I rarely stay at her house, so for a brief second I had no idea where I was. In that moment, I had a creepy thought that I woke up in another person's body, in the vein of Quantum Leap. I loved that show.

A Goal and a Dramatic Explosion

2008-10-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

Starting yesterday and for the next month, I am going to attempt to spend only $20 a week on sustenance and other willy-nilly items. Soup and bread for lunch ($1.75, roughly) and whatever comes my way for dinner should be just fine. A coworker, told me that my body will feel hungry if it is a little dehydrated, so I'll also be increasing the amount of water I drink at work. I do hope that my urge for a Tuesday DVD run will subside as this week goes on, but the most difficult part will be ordering water at the bar. I like beer... a lot. In fact, I would even call myself a beer evangelist, spreading the good word of beers I've tasted and enjoyed. It's important to also know that I do not have a ploethera of food in wait at my home. In fact, I have very little at home. Perhaps I'll vulture some leftovers and get crafty with what little I have at home. I'll keep my blog updated with my progress. It is Tuesday and I have $16 left.

I have also started a profile at 43 Things. So far, I've listed 8 things I want to do. The majority are large goals and a few are not so huge. It's a great site to keep you motivated on accomplishing goals. And you can cheer on others as they attempt to chase their dreams.

I've started watching the FX Original Series "Sons of Anarchy." I'm a big fan of Ron Perlman and this is a no holds barred hellfire motorcycle ride to explosionville. I've realized what it takes for me to really enjoy a dramatic television series and it breaks down to 3 rules.

Must have organized crime or warring clans
Must have massive explosions
Must offer an occasional giggle

I loved the show "The Black Donnellys" and find the set up and delivery very similar to "Sons of Anarchy." The show can be seen here.

My sickness has left. It's feels good to swallow and not wince. The other reason I'm pleased it's gone is a little show for which I want to be healthy. Creature Feature/Survivors of the Undead Plague is set for the next three Thursdays at the Brave New Workshop at 8pm. The earlier start time is going to bring the crowds in, so I recommend buying tickets online.

Until next time.

A conversation with Matt and Peggy.

2008-10-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

Me: Have you seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall?"
Matt: No.
Me: It was great. I would go so far as to say it was the funniest movie I've seen this year.
Matt: Have you seen "Kung Fu Panda?"
Me: No.
Peggy: What if "Kung Fu Panda" was the basis on how we rated the movies we watch?
Me: Yeah, so I saw this great movie the day. It was called "Die Fälscher," or "The Counterfeiters." It's a Holocaust movie about Germany's attempt to use Jewish prisoners to counterfeit the British Pound and the U.S. Dollar to fund the war effort. It's no "Kung Fu Panda," but it was pretty good.

Ahh.... what if?

The Monopoly Game and the closing of my throat

2008-10-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Good news!

The Monopoly Game started at McDonald's yesterday. This will, no doubt, increase the amount of time I spend under the golden arches. This is both a good thing (MONOPOLY) and a bad thing (large meals consisting of primarily grease).

Barack was said to have won the debate last night. I watched a good amount of said debate and tend to agree. McCain is so awkward. I would feel so much better about this election had he not selected Sarah Palin as his running mate. God, she sucks.

The Gay/Straight Alliance is up again at Improv-A-Go-Go for the next three Sundays. Following that, 3 weeks of Hellendrung, Scott & Associates. Creature Feature and Survivors of the Undead Plague continues for the next 4 Thursdays in October. I won't be in tomorrow's show, but it's gonna be sweet meat without me. Also, CSz continues. I love this stuff.

My parents met Pegatron last night for the very first time. All parties involved were pleased. I knew that no other outcome was possible, but it was good for them to meet her. I know they were excited to do exactly that.

FallCon was last weekend. I purchased DC comics for the first time, ever. I was excited to get Superman Red Son, a book with the premise that Superman landed 10 hours later than he originally did and grew up in the Soviet Russia. Brilliant! I also met Alex Grecian, the writer of my current favorite, Proof. He told me to write him a letter. So, I will.

I've finally re-stocked on Q-tips and I can now stop taking them from my roommates. I know they're just Q-tips, but I've certainly contemplated replacing the 30 or so I've taken since moving in. In addition, I've also purchased Dove body soap. It's the first time I've not had either Irish Spring or Zest and I'm a bit nervous, but it smells so good. Mmmm... cucumbers.

Bad news!

I've had a weird sickness that kept me away from work Monday. It hurts a great deal to swallow and you really have no idea how much one swallows during the day until it hurts to do so. I find myself chewing things much longer so that they're reduced to a mere pulp in order to slowly squeeze them by my aching tonsils.

I have to wait 3 more months to the opening home game of the season for the Minnesota Swarm at Xcel Energy Center. I don't want to wait. I want it now, daddy! *breaks into song*

I want the world.
I want the whole world.
I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate.
Give it to me.
Now!

Don't care how, I want it now.
Don't care how, I want it now!

Darn Sarah Palin to Heck

2008-10-03T08:29:00.001-07:00

Biden/Palin.

It was the debate everyone was looking forward to. America wanted to see if Sarah Palin would break under the pressure. For the first half hour of the debate, she held her own. She connected to the American people. She talked about her roots. She mentioned "Main Street," which is one of my favorite phrases in politics. She was more energetic than Biden from the get-go, but we soon realized that she only had enough ammunition for the battle and not the entire war. She kept mentioning how John McCain was such a maverick. She used the same phrases over and over again. She flat-out said she's not going to answers questions the way the moderator wanted. And though she didn't fall into the well, she never helped her own case. Biden talked about how McCain isn't really a maverick and Palin had no rebuttle. Biden asked the American people if they are better off than they were 8 years ago and Palin had no rebuttle. Biden again mentioned that McCain wouldn't even sit down with Spain without preconditions and Palin had no rebuttle.

All in all, I'm a liberal. Of course I'm going to be cheering for the hometown team, but even conservatives have to be asking if Palin is ready for the Vice Presidency. And with McCain a heartbeat away from shuffling off this mortal coil, conservatives really need to ask if Palin is ready for the Presidency. That, my friends, would be a rhetorical question.

Last night, Biden looked Presidential. Palin looked Mayoral. End of story.

Sarah Palin is to this election as...

2008-10-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'd like any of the readers of this blog to create original analogies featuring the line Sarah Palin is to this election as Blank is to Blank.

For example:
Sarah Palin is to this election as "Ernest Goes to Jail" is to the Cannes Film Festival.

Feel free to write it out any way you feel comfortable. Either in a full sentence or as you would see on the SAT or ACT (i.e. Sarah Palin :: This Election as "Ernest Goes to Jail :: The Cannes Film Festival).

Happy Analogizing!

The Walking Dead and Hotdog Buns

2008-10-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

I love zombies so much. Spent last night seeing Zak Snyder's remake of the George A. Romero classic Dawn of the Dead. It has, perhaps, one of the greatest openings to a horror movie in quite some time. Also see Survivors of the Undead Plague, an improvised zombie movie, as our run begins tonight and every Thursday in October as a double-bill with Creature Feature, the improvised monster movie. It's gonna be giggity.

I'm not foodie, but I enjoy a fine meal every so often. I can also appreciate the simple things in edible creations. There is one thing, however, I cannot stand: Hotdog bun warmers at SuperAmerica. I'm probably never going to say or write the proceding sentence ever again, so take note; I like moist buns. As the plastic-wrapped buns at SuperAmerica sit in the warmer for hours, they start to lose their moisture and then, inevitably, either one side or one end of the bun takes on the texture of toast. If I wanted toast, I would've purchased toast. No, I wanted a juicy Polish sausage in a moist bun. (I took about 30 seconds deciding whether to keep the previous sentence in this blog and decided to leave it in because I'm THAT serious about hotdog bun texture) Does anyone else find the contrasting temperatures of the meat and bun to be soothing? I didn't enlist for pigs in a blanket, I signed up for hotdog. Bah!

The Windy City and Ororo Munroe

2008-10-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

The weekend is over. In fact, it's been over for a while now. But, it was a good one, to be sure.

Left for Chicago on Friday night and stayed until late Monday. Here are a few things I noticed or experienced:

White Sox fans hate Cubs fans more than Twins fans.
Rims can be put on a conversion van, contrary to popular belief.
Money ceases to be an issue when drinking.
Track jackets are easy to find in large cities.
Cabbies in Chicago are great, second only to Dublin, Ireland.
Spending time with Pegatron is easy.
Sarah Palin is still completely useless.

All in all, I had a great time in Chicago and was happy to see Millenium Park, the Field Museum, Wrigley Field and a ploethera of other shops and sights. I liked Chicago better than New York, but I'm still finding myself most comfortable in Minneapolis. I love this place.

Picked up some comics yesterday at The Source. Happy to say I'm the proud owner of the 4-issue limited series "Damage Control." It's an interesting concept. Superheroes fuck shit up. Damage Control cleans up their mess. Written and illustrated back in '89, it certainly is hard to get used to the old printing style, but it's fun nonetheless. A little Fantastic Four, Ironman, Spiderman, Thor, and the X-Men made cameos in the series.

NOTE: Storm is much cooler with a white mohawk ('83-'91), rather than the current poof that Halle Berry sports in the movies. (The mohawk was put on Storm because the artist heard they were going to change her hair style, so he took the liberty of making her hair look like Mr. T. That joke lasted 8 years, but should've lasted longer.)

Also, I had a great conversation with Troy, Damien and Fred last evening on the current financial crisis in America. As with most converations on the topic, I felt a bit uneducated. Monday night I calculated how much each United States citizen would get if the 700 Billion dollars were split up for all of us and it came out to about $2,300. I think Americans would be pretty happy if we got all that cash, however it will most likely go to the terds who hedged their bets and lost.

Thank you to GraphJam for the jammin' graph.

A good start.

2008-09-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

What a good weekend this will be.

Not only did I see an amazing concert by Sigur Rós at the Orpheum Theatre, but I left the theatre only to find out that the Twins upset the Chicago White Sox to sweep the series and move into first place in the AL Central. Yes!

Also, I get to go to Chicago with Pegatron this weekend. I've never been to the windy city before, so this should be an adventure. And you know what they say about adventures, right? I think it's something like, "adventures are the real deal." This is according to Google, if one were to search "adventures are." They are correct. Adventures are the real deal.

Also, mad props to my roommate for giving Pegatron and I a ride to the lightrail to get to the airport tomorrow. For that, I will bake her a cake. Or... just buy one from Lund's.

Twins: The Movie.

2008-09-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Last evening, it came to my attention that it would be rather easy to cast a movie that was based on the current line-up for the Minnesota Twins. I had a lot of fun doing this. Here you go:

Leonardo DiCaprio is Designated Hitter and Utility Player Jason Kubel

Stay with me on this one. We all know how dreamy Leo is, but if he put on a few pounds, he'd be perfect to play the pudgy, homerun-hitting Jason Kubel.

Matt Damon is First Baseman Justin Morneau

This was easier than any of the Twins. If Justin were smiling, the resemblance would be even more striking.

Damon Wayans is Second Baseman Alexi Casilla

Hahaha. You know I'm right.

Josh Hartnett is Catcher Joe Mauer

Minnesota native playing a Minnesota native. Perfect.

Jamie Foxx is Center Fielder Carlos Gomez

This may be a bit of a stretch, but I believe in the character-acting skills of Jamie Foxx.

Mykelti Williamson is Left Fielder Delmon Young

Best known for his role as "Bubba" in Forrest Gump, Mykelti is a fine choice for Delmon. The only issue that may arise is the age of Young, who is very young.

Alfonso Ribeiro is Right Fielder Denard Span

Who misses Carlton? I do. So, we're bringing him back to play his best role, Denard Span.

Carlos Mencia is relief pitcher Dennys Reyes

Too easy. Maybe if you were more talented, you'd be more well-liked. Which one am I talking to? The world may never know.

Young Robert DeNiro is Shortstop Nick Punto

Ok, so this may be cheating. But, I think it'd be great. Can you imagine the movie posters? DeNiro would obviously headline, but then people would see this Twins movie and realize DeNiro plays Punto, of all players. Haha.

Casey Affleck is Closing Pitcher Joe Nathan

I would also suggest Casey Affleck uses the same timid voice he used for Robert Ford in The Assassination of Jesse James.

Zombies and other signs of the apocalypse

2008-09-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

There is an albino spider that has been living in my car for some time now. I remember seeing him at the end of June or early July and attempted to grind him into the floor, but his dance moves helped him escape my death stomp. He still lives somewhere in my car. I know this because I will enter my car after a day of little-to-no usage and will run into spider webs. I think he's playing a joke on me. It's never a full web, just a few strands to piss me off. However, the joke's on him... I've named this albino spider, Brother Ali.

Zombies are starting to take over again. Rehearsals for Survivors of the Undead Plague have been going very well. Troy, Damian and I are continuing the tradition after the "Exit Stage Left" of Hannah. It was a bit of a blow at first since we'd traditionally kept to our genders, but all rehearsals since the departure have been successful, making me sure creating new female characters won't be an issue. I'm extremely excited for these upcoming shows. In other zombie news, I've spent more than 3 hours in 1 work day playing a free online game called Boxhead. Please, do the same. It's worth it.

In fashion, my affinity for Puma attire is increasing exponentially. I'm not sure what it is about Puma, but they have a street cred that is unparalelled by other sports apparel. Puma: Unparalelled Apparel. I'm calling them right now to tell them their new ad campaign.

This is how we do it... baby.

2008-09-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I mentioned Minneapolis taking over as the Minnesota State Capital. I, however, wrote that it would be the Capitol (please notice different spelling). How is it that 24 years of life has not taught me that using an "O" refers to the actual building and only the building. That's goddamn hootenany! I always thought the "O" was used when referring to a capital city or the capitol itself. However, I was wrong and I'm not happy about it. Here is a ridiculous sentence that shows just how ridiculous this ridiculous grammar issue is:

Steve lived in the capital, but not the capitol.

Fuck that noise. I'm happy English is my native tongue because if I had to learn it as a second language, I would've given up years ago.

In sports, my Fantasy Football team won for the first time this year. I'd like to thank Marion Barber of the Dallas Cowboys. And the Academy. Also, I'd like to thank Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers who returns to the game this week after a 2-game suspension for breaking a teammates nose. You were missed. I'm gonna need you to step up, Steve. No joke.

I went and saw 'Burn After Reading' with Pegatron last night at AMC Southdale. My bias will emerge here quickly as the Coen Brothers' last film, 'No Country For Old Men,' is my favorite film. I really liked this comedy. Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, George Clooney and Frances McDormand were all phenomenal at portraying generally bad people, with McDormand (and perhaps Pitt) being the only exceptions. Additionally, I've found that I am really captivated whenever J.K. Simmons is on screen. I'll call it "stage presence." Anyhoo, I recommend the film if you like the Coen Brothers. If you don't like the Coen Brothers' previous work, you may not find this film as enjoyable as I did.

I found this website, too. Need a Knife/Spoon/Fork (Sporkife?) combo? How about a desktop cat bed? Dying to get a home earthquake seismograph? Look no further. Yay!

35W and the eMusic Giveaway!

2008-09-15T09:28:00.001-07:00

I will start today's entry with a paragraph from the Minneapolis Star Tribune referring to the opening of the 35W bridge on Thursday.

The new bridge could see more cars, fewer cars or the same amount, Levinson said. "That, I think, will be an interesting thing to watch."

Thank you for your insight, Mr. Levinson.

By the by, I was thinking about where I was the day the bridge collapsed and I remember that I had just arrived at ComedySportz. The artistic director, Doug, told me the 35W bridge fell. I giggled because I was at ComedySportz and that's a pretty ridiculous claim. Well, as it turned out, he was telling the truth much to my chagrin. I left for New York the next morning and it was strange to see Minnesota all over the news in the Big Apple. Everyone who checked my ID in New York asked about the bridge. They knew it was a big deal, but they had no idea where the bridge was in relation to Minneapolis or St. Paul. Most people thought it was the only bridge between our twin cities. And if it hadn't been so soon after the event, I probably would've told them that it was the only link and now St. Paul has to give up their rights as State Capitol. Why? Because that's funny.

In entertainment news, I was fortunate enough to receive an e-mail from eMusic.com inviting me back to their website with an amazing 75 free downloads. Jigga wha? 75? So, I'm going to pay you $11 a month for 30 downloads (fair pricing) and just for doing that, you're going to give me an extra $25 worth of music. Awesome... but how do you stay afloat? I've already downloaded Rodrigo y Gabriela and Calexico. I'm considering picking up the entire Mitch Hedberg collection. Any suggestions?

Hookah, anyone?

2008-09-08T07:20:00.001-07:00

I had the opportunity to have a smoke with some friends of mine at Jafa Grill and Hookah Bar on Central Ave this weekend. The flavor of Sex on the Beach tobacco is not the most pleasurable, but I felt like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. And because alcohol is not halal, we just drank an apple malt beverage with no intoxicating agents. It was great to just go out and be social without drinking. It's unfortunately a rare occurance nowadays. Having more Muslim friends would make me a much healthier person.

Peggy and I have started a quote book of sorts entitled "Nocturnal Confessions." It is made up entirely of the things I say in my sleep. Once we've compiled enough, I'll start posting them. Here is the logo I've created for "Nocturnal Confessions."

I think that is a fine logo.

I've acquired 3 new Puma items. It was a good weekend.

Cobblestones and Coffeepots.

2008-09-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

Random Thoughts

There is something about Chipotle that elicits great stories.
One of my favorite things to draw is a dinosaur (brontasaurus).
I cannot play first-person shooter games as I get motion sickness.
It's hard for me to believe I get paid as much as I do to do what I do.
Lime Helmet!

Governor of Alaxsxaq and Pitiful Protesters

2008-09-03T06:30:00.001-07:00

I don't mean for my first blog entry to be political, so please don't assume this is my only goal. I'll be sure to mention something later in the post that will seem harmless and unrelated to the politics game.

That being said, I dislike Sarah Palin. I appreciate that she resembles Tina Fey, Lisa Loeb, Marsha Brady and the drummer from the Kings of Leon, but when your political experience is limited to Mayor of BumFuckNowhere, I cannot even pretend to think you're qualified to be next in line to who could be our oldest president ever by a cool 3 years. You're probably saying to yourself, "Self, shouldn't you trust a person who's served as Governor of our 49th State?" No. You shouldn't. Alaska, as a state, has fewer residents than the city of Memphis, TN and she's only been in office for a little under 2 years. You're a pretty face Palin, but your shit's weak.

Politics! Yes, Minneapolis/St. Paul are hosting the Republican National Convention. We drove by First Lady Laura Bush's motorcade on the way to a show in Decorah, Iowa and that, so far has been my only run-in with the convention. It bothers me that we had to get the RNC instead of the DNC. It would've been glorious to have Biden and Barack. Instead, we have to deal with the protesters.

ATTENTION PROTESTERS: You can be ignored because politicians know that once your protest is peacefully held, you go home. Media has learned how to dismiss you. Police know how to contain you. American politics are immune to the individual. And though you've amassed a group of five-, ten-, fifteen thousand, the majority of you are part-time activists who only plan on this one protest and then casting a ballot on Tuesday, November 4. The power of protest has diminished since the 1960's. You're still using the same tactics 40 years later. You are no longer a threat. You are merely an annoyance.

Ok... I'm done with politics for this go around.

On a lighter note, I'm starting bagpipe lessons next week! I've had a chanter (the bagpipe sans bag and drones) for a few years now and was going to teach myself, but I've never been one to do that successfully, the one exception being Irish Rhetoric.

A quote: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. -Willy Wonka